Beautiful Disaster - Chapter 9

Buffy ignored the look Giles gave her as she threw the door to the Magic Box open hard enough for it to smack against the wall. She ran down the steps to where everyone was standing and then struggled to find her voice.

“Buffy?” Willow gave her a concerned look as she stared at them all.

“It’s the kids.” Spike said as he put his arm around Buffy and she nodded in agreement with him.

She cleared her throat and then took a deep breath.

“They’re… they’re…”

“Us.” Spike finished her sentence for her and then looked to Giles for an explanation. “What’s happening?”

Giles sat down and stared at the table in front of him. He’d feared that something like this would happen, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell Buffy, not when she was so clearly enjoying having a family, even if it was with Spike.

“The existence of two Buffy’s and two Spike’s in the world are causing dimensions to tear asunder. You’ve created a paradox… one which there is only one way of stopping.” He glanced at Buffy and saw that she already knew what he was going to say.

“I can’t, Giles. I can’t.” Buffy stepped out from under Spike’s arm and gave Giles a pleading look. “Please don’t make me do this.”

“You don’t have to… do that. Two of you on this plane is what is causing the paradox. We must send them back to where they came from. We have to exchange them with Glory.”

Buffy shook her head as she looked at him. “There has to be another way, Giles… isn’t there another way?”

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” He said and sagged slightly as she turned her back on him and started towards the front of the shop.

“Make the preparations then. We’ll find the children and bring them to our house.” Buffy forced the words out through her tears and then started walking again.

Spike waited until she was out of the shop before turning to look at the others. “Make it quick… I don’t give a damn about this world, just the longer it takes the more it’s killing her.”

Giles and Willow nodded sympathetically, and then sighed in unison as Spike walked out after Buffy.

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself as they walked. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She’d found a family and now it was being taken from her. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Spike. She didn’t care if he was hurting too, all she cared about was what she was about to lose.

She’d never have another chance at having a family.

The thought that she would only have a few moments more with William and Elizabeth was breaking her heart and she found herself searching for another way to stop what was happening.

The ground beneath her rumbled and groaned again and she realised that Giles was right—there was no other way.

Using her senses, she led Spike towards the where the children were. He hadn’t said anything to her since the Magic Box and he was keeping his distance from her. His detachment from her made her feel as though she was even losing him, and it made her chest ache to think that things between them could be coming to an end.

Looking up as they entered the park, she sighed as she saw the two children sitting on the swings. They were still holding hands and she wanted to cry as she thought that this might be the last time she saw them.

Spike moved a little closer to Buffy as they walked towards the children. He knew that she would never ask for his support, but she needed it more than anything right now.

Buffy stopped just in front of the children and went to speak.

William looked up at her with a sorry expression. “Is it time to go now?”

She nodded as the tears spilt onto her cheeks and stole her voice away. He looked so sad, so upset to be leaving her and she couldn’t stop herself from picking him up and holding onto him tightly.

Spike sniffed back his tears as he watched Buffy holding William as though she never wanted to let him go. He tried to smile as she turned to face him, her cheeks glistening with tears. Taking the boy from her, he gently wrapped his arms around him and felt his throat tighten with his emotions as William looped his arms around his neck. He held onto him tightly as he watched Buffy picking Elizabeth up and then started walking with her. He bit back his tears as he walked towards home beside her, wanting to be strong like she needed him to be.

He couldn’t help watching her as they walked. She was holding onto Elizabeth tightly and was silently crying. His eyes followed the course of her tears as they ran down her cheeks and he wanted to reach out to her but he knew she would turn him away.

Buffy felt fresh tears welling up as Elizabeth drew away from her and frowned. She couldn’t stop herself from crying as the little girl wiped her cheeks with her small hands and furrowed her brows.

“Don’t be sad, mommy. We might meet again, someday.” Elizabeth’s voice was quiet and calm as Buffy carried her up the garden path to their house.

Buffy wished she could believe her.

Spike quickly wiped the tears from his eyes as he held the front door open for Buffy and followed her through the house. He watched her as she set Elizabeth down and hugged her. Spike placed William down and bit his lip hard to stop himself from crying as Buffy pulled the little boy into her embrace.

“I love you.” Buffy whispered to them and ignored the tears as they streamed down her cheeks. “No matter how far apart we are… we’ll always love you.”

She looked up at Spike and he took the hint and knelt beside her, wrapping his arms around her and the children. “No matter how far.”

He sniffed as he pulled back and looked at William. Ruffling the boy’s hair, he forced a smile and watched as William did the same. “You take care of her now, understand?”

William nodded. “You take care of her too… understand?”

Spike smiled and took hold of Buffy’s hand. “Will do, little mate.”

Standing up, Buffy watched the children as they walked towards the back door and then at Spike.

“I can’t do this…” She said through her tears.

“We have to, love… I wish we didn’t.”

Buffy let go of his hand and gave him a cold look. “Really?”

Spike clenched his jaw and stopped himself from retorting. He knew what she wanted. She wanted him to argue with her so she would be able to blame him for everything in order to make herself feel better.

“Don’t.” Spike warned her and walked past her towards the back door.

Buffy watched him go and broke down into sobs as she stood alone in the hall. Giving herself a moment to get a grip on her emotions, she followed him to the back garden and found herself starting to cry again when she saw the sad looks on her friends faces, and found Dawn crying on Tara.

She looked down at the two children as they stood near the porch steps and let her lower lip tremble as Willow and Giles opened the portal.

“I can’t…” Buffy went to grab the children but found herself being restrained. She kicked Spike hard and hit him with her free hand but he didn’t let her go. “Let me go… please… let me go.”

Spike shook his head and held her even tighter, stopping her from reaching the children. He took everything she threw at him, bracing himself against all her anger as he watched the children heading towards the portal.

“I hate you… this is all your fault… I hate you! I hate you!” Buffy hit her fists hard against Spike’s chest as he held onto her, refusing to let her go. She sobbed against him as she broke down. “I hate you!”

Spike held her as she clung to him and waited for her to get her strength back, knowing that she wasn’t through with him yet.

As Buffy turned to look over her shoulder, she found William and Elizabeth smiling at her and she managed to smile back before they stepped into the portal and disappeared forever.

She pushed Spike off her and slapped him hard across the cheek, breathing heavily as he just looked at her with a hurt expression.

Turning away from him and her friends, she watched the portal as it shimmered again and found herself face to face with Ben.

As he stepped towards her, she gave him a look full of hatred and then emotionlessly snapped his neck. She didn’t bother watching him fall to the floor, she just listened to the portal close and then pushed her way past everyone and ran into the house.

Spike looked up at the first floor as he heard a door slam and then stared at where the portal had been.

Things were never going to be the same again.


Buffy walked quietly down the stairs and paused at the bottom of them. She sniffed and then sighed as she looked at the messy house, the toys still littered everywhere and the blankets on the couch in the same position they’d been in the morning that they’d all gone to the Magic Box together.

That was three days ago.

She’d passed the past forty-eight hours in her bedroom, trying to come to terms with everything that had happened and the fact that she would never see her children again. Her eyes were sore, her hair had been drawn back into a messy ponytail and she was certain she needed a shower.

Everyone had made admirable efforts to get her to emerge from her room, but she had refused to leave it each time. Not even her sister or Spike had managed to get her to come out, and it wasn’t through lack of trying. She knew that Spike had spent every night outside her door, listening to her breathing and her crying. She could sense he was there, waiting for her if she ever decided to come back to the world and his presence seemed to ease the pain somehow.

The only reason she was coming out now was because Dawn had told her that Tara and Willow were taking her to the movies to cheer her up, and she was hungry.

Walking into the kitchen, she sniffed and then froze. Smoke. She looked at the back door and realised that she wasn’t as alone as she’d first thought.

Stepping out onto the back porch, she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing them to keep the night chill off her. The world seemed like a hard, cold place right now and even though it was summer, she felt frozen to the core.

Looking down from her perusal of the stars, she heaved a long sigh. Spike was sitting on the step, smoking and looking at something that she couldn’t quite see.

Walking over, she sat down next to him and watched as he moved the thing he was holding so it was hidden behind his leg. As he flicked the spent cigarette to the floor, her eyes followed it. It landed in a pile of others and seeing them there, and Spike lighting another, she realised that he was hurting as badly as she was.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” She said quietly as she curled up and hugged her knees, staring at the dewy grass and the moonlight playing on it.

“Like hell.” Spike replied with a sigh and took another drag.

“Think they’ll be okay?” She picked at the hem of her skirt as she looked at him.

“They’ll be fine, love.”

“Does it help?” Buffy asked as he watched him take a long, slow drag on his cigarette.

“What?”

“Chain smoking your troubles away.”

“A little.” Spike answered her as he looked at the cigarette and realised that he couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t smoking one these days.

As he placed it back in his mouth, Buffy pulled it from his lips and he watched her as she took a drag and then choked as she tried to exhale it.

“Yuck.” She handed it back to him with a frown.

Spike took the cigarette and stared at it. Her shiny lip-gloss was coating the end and he couldn’t stop himself from placing it back in his mouth and savouring the taste of her.

Buffy peered over his leg and tried to see what he was hiding there. She frowned as he moved it out of sight.

“What’s that?” She asked as he stared at the garden.

“What’s what?”

“In your hand…” Buffy leaned over and tried to see it but he moved it again.

“It’s nothing.” Spike said dismissively and saw she wasn’t convinced.

“If it’s nothing, then you’ll let me see.”

He frowned at her and then took another drag. “Okay, it’s something, but it’ll upset you.”

“Like it’s upset you?” She frowned back at him and then let her expression become concerned when he nodded. “I want to see it anyway, please?”

Spike considered her request for a moment and then realised that she would keep asking until he showed her, so he may as well let her see.

Buffy waited as there was a papery sound and he held a small rectangle of white out to her.

Taking it from him, she slowly flipped it over and closed her eyes briefly as she saw William and Elizabeth smiling up at her. Silently, she ran her fingers over their little faces and smiled back at them. She wiped the tears from her eyes and then looked to Spike for an explanation.

“Willow took them, there’s more in the house. You can keep it if you want.”

“Thanks…” Buffy sighed and moved a little closer to him. “For everything. I know you’ve not left since…”

“I know. I couldn’t leave you… not when you were so upset.” Spike smiled at her and threw his cigarette onto the pile of others.

Sitting in silence beside him, Buffy found herself drawing strength from him and realised that she really wasn’t alone in this. He was going through the same pain as she was, only he was doing a better job of hiding it, but she’d seen it all in his eyes. Slipping her hand into his, she watched him look down at them and then smile.

“Spike… what I said to you that night, I didn’t… I mean, I didn’t think… I just thought about me and what I was feeling… I…”

Spike squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, love. Guess we both loved the little tykes. You had every right to be pissed…”

“I shouldn’t have. It was wrong. I just didn’t want to let them go… I didn’t think… it must have been hard for you having to watch William go and having me lash out at you… just when you needed me most.” Buffy let her eyes drop to rest on her knees as he cocked his head to one side and looked at her.

“Are you saying sorry, Slayer?”

“Not in so few words… but, yeah… I guess I am.” She gave him a little smile as she looked up at him and then down at the picture she was holding. “Do you miss them?”

“Every second.” Spike said truthfully.


In a white room, the white man smiled triumphantly at the white woman.

“Well, that was a success.”

The woman ignored him and continued to watch the couple in the mirror as they consoled each other.

“What is it now?” The man moved towards her, a frown creasing his brows.

“I feel…” She started.

“Here we go again. We played the game, they failed, I win.”

“You cheated!” She turned on him and ignored the distant rumble of thunder outside as her temper frayed. “I didn’t say that they should have any vampire in them! I said human children.”

“Details, details… they still would have failed.” He tried to dismiss her remark with a smile but she looked back at the mirror and ignored him.

“Look at them.” She nodded towards the couple as they sat in silence under the full moon. “Look at what we’ve done.”

“We could make them forget it ever happened.” He raised a hand but she swatted it away.

“No! They proved they were good parents. They did the right thing when it mattered most. Now give them what they deserve.” She shouted at him and saw the smile fall from his face as he regarded her with a cold look.

“You’re getting sentimental and soft in your old age. First the vampire with a soul and now this?” He frowned at her and then caved as she continued to give him a pleading look. “Fine! From the top this time?”

She nodded. “And no interfering.”

Watching the couple in the mirror as they moved closer to each other, he took hold of her hand and raised his free hand at the same time she raised hers. As the couple leant towards each other and kissed, they waved their hands and chanted soft words.

The man smiled at the woman as she gave him a grateful look. “Better now?”

She nodded and smiled wide. “Much.”

“Good… lets see what trouble we can cause with that vampire with a soul you love playing with.” The man went to move away to another mirror but stopped when she didn’t follow him straight away.

The woman smiled. “Oh, I think we just caused a whole bundle of trouble for him to cope with.”


Spike felt a shudder run up his spine as he pulled back from kissing Buffy and frowned. “We should go in, it’s getting cold.”

“You feel cold?” Buffy stood and felt a cold chill sweep over her.

“Not normally.” Spike frowned and started to follow her into the house. “Maybe it’s just your kiss. I love you, Buffy. Maybe we can find a way to get them back?”

Buffy sighed. “I think it’s for the best, Spike. They’ll be okay.” She slipped her hand back into his and smiled into his eyes. “We’ll be okay.”

Taking another step, Buffy felt her stomach turn and bent over as she threw up. She breathed heavily and pulled a face of disgust as she felt as though a vortex had opened up inside her. Straightening up, she found Spike looking at her with concern.

“You okay?” He watched her as she pressed her hand to her stomach.

“I’m fine, just a little sick… must have cried too much.” She took hold of his arm as he offered it to her and then felt sick again as her stomach lurched.

“Let’s get you indoors and wrapped up warm.” Spike led her into the house and smiled as she nodded.

“Spike…” Buffy paused as she felt sick again and then swallowed hard as she fought to find the words she finally wanted to say. “What you said… I just wanted to tell you… I love you too.”

Smiling, Spike went to kiss her but quickly pulled away as she bent over and threw up again.

Wrapping his arm around her, he walked with her into the house and smiled down at the picture she was looking at. His smile widened as he thought about what she’d said. She loved him.

Who knows, maybe things would turn out good in the end and they’d see the kids again someday.

Inside Buffy, a tiny Elizabeth kicked William.


The End

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