Driving to Distraction - Chapter 10

Buffy glanced over at Spike where he was sleeping in the passenger seat and smiled at him before turning her concentration back to the road.

He’d been sleeping solidly since they had left the hotel four hours ago. She’d offered to drive part of the remaining distance to Sunnydale. He’d been surprised, but had handed over the keys without questioning why she suddenly wanted to drive.

She wanted to because she felt she could now, she felt as though she was finally ready to get back behind the wheel of a car.

Last night, Spike had healed himself a little by talking to her about his past, and she felt as though she’d done the same. Years of therapy hadn’t helped her as much as speaking to him had.

She’d finally put the past to bed and was now able to look forward. She loved her sister but there was no point in clinging to her as though she was going to come back. Dawn would always have a place in her heart, but now she had to carry on living.

Buffy looked at Spike again as he mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and shifted slightly on the seat.

They’d slept most of the night, just waking occasionally. Each time they had began to kiss and make out again, resulting in another session of love-making, and bringing her the realisation that there had been more to last night than just comforting each other.

She felt something for him, and she knew he felt something for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to confirm her suspicions—she was too scared that he would tell her different.

Spike stretched and yawned in the uncomfortable leather seat. Slowly opening his eyes, he found Buffy smiling at him and he managed one in return.

“She behaving for you?” He asked her as she indicated to move across to the next lane.

Buffy shrugged. She’d never driven anything this old so she was counting the fact the car was actually running as it behaving. “We’re getting along swimmingly.”

“Good.” Sitting up, he ran his fingers through his hair as he yawned again and watched Buffy driving.

She was still beautiful, even more so now than she had been last night—if that was possible.

Buffy yawned.

“Want me to take over for a bit?” He raised his brows as he looked at her and she nodded.

Sliding across the seat, he manoeuvred his foot onto the accelerator and took hold of the wheel. Buffy stood up a little and bit her lip as he shifted so he was underneath her and she was sitting on his lap. Shimmying across to the passenger seat, she smiled at him as he grinned at her and then curled up next to him, her arm looping through his as he drove.

Spike focused his attention on the road in front of him and kept his speed steady. A short distance down the road and he heard a quiet snore coming from his co-driver.

He figured that this was how it was going to be now. They would somehow avoid having to talk about what happened between them and when they finally made it to Sunnydale they would part company.

Strangely, he didn’t want that. He wanted last night to be so much more than what it had been, wanted it to be the start of something rather than the end.

Heaving a sigh, he gently stroked her thigh and pressed a soft kiss to her hair as she slumbered against him.


Buffy felt her stomach lurch when she opened her eyes and saw the familiar surroundings of Sunnydale greeting her. She tightened her grip on Spike’s arm and frowned at the town, wishing they were miles away from this place so she didn’t have to face the inevitable.

Each direction she gave him got harder and harder to say, and as they finally neared her mother’s house, she was barely holding back the tears. She sat mute in the passenger seat as he put the car into park outside the house and looked up at it.

“Nice place.” He tried to smile at her, not wanting to show how much this was affecting him.

“Yeah.” Buffy said quietly and stifled the sigh that tried to push its way to the surface.

“See your mum’s not home.” He nodded to the empty drive and Buffy looked there. When he saw the tears swimming in her eyes he felt a stab in his chest and wanted to reach out and cup her cheek, wanted to let her know everything would be okay.

Buffy just shrugged and struggled to find her voice. “She’s working.”

She watched as he opened the driver’s side door and stepped out into the cool evening air. Giving herself a moment to gather her emotions and find her centre again, she kept her eyes fixed on the dash. As she heard the trunk open, she bit her lip to stop the tears that wanted to fall from her lashes and then smiled shakily as she looked at the glove box.


Spike felt as though his limbs were growing heavier and heavier as he lifted her suitcases out of the back of his car. He placed them down gently on the pavement and then just stared at them.

Three thousand miles ago he’d hated her.

Three thousand miles was a long way, a distance over which anything could happen, and it felt as though it had. He didn’t know what to do, or the right words to say to her. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want to let her go.

But he couldn’t find his voice, couldn’t make her stay.

He swallowed down his feelings as he heard the passenger side door open and she stepped out, her handbag in tow and a false smile plastered on her face. His chest ached to see her sweet lips trembling in a smile they couldn’t hold on to, to see her beautiful green eyes shimmering with un-spilt tears.

Wrapping his hands around the handles of two of her suitcases, he lifted them up and started up the path towards her house.

Buffy waited for him to have his back to her before wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. She sniffed back the tears that were threatening to fall and took a deep breath. She could see this was affecting him as much as it was upsetting her, but she didn’t know what to say to him.

She didn’t want this to be the end. She didn’t want to lose him. The days she’d spent with him had meant so much to her, so much more than words could express and he’d shown her so much of himself, and in return she’d let him in.

She’d let him all the way in, right down to her soul.

And now she felt as though her heart was breaking clean in two.

Picking up the remaining suitcases, she made it halfway up the garden path before Spike came and took them off her with a smile. She walked alongside him as he carried them up to the house for her and set them down beside her other ones.

Standing on the porch, she toyed with her keys, her heart wanting to ask him if would like to come in for a while but her mouth unable to form words because of the tight lump of emotions that were constricting her throat.

Spike took a deep breath and let it go, tried to let her go. Jamming his hands into his pockets, he couldn’t recall a time he’d felt so awkward, so unable to say the things he wanted to say.

“Suppose I better push on…Xander will be expecting me, and there’s still a way to go before I get to Los Angeles.” He cursed every word as he saw the tears well up in her eyes again.

Buffy forced a smile and just looked into his eyes as he stood on the step below her. Building up the courage, she held his gaze for a few seconds and then spoke.

“Do I get a kiss…just to remember you by?”

Spike felt as though she torn his heart into pieces with her words and he nodded, holding back the tears that wanted to spring into his eyes and trying not to let it all affect him.

Placing his hands gently on her waist, he closed his eyes as she dipped her head and let her lips play gently against his. He kissed her tenderly, his heart breaking a little more with each passing second and then pulled away when it all became too much.

Buffy wiped her eyes and smiled, her chest tight with emotions and her body trembling.

Sniffing, she rifled through her bag and pulled out her purse. She took out one of the little pictures she’d had done for her ID cards and wrote her number on the back of it. Handing it to him, she watched his face closely and smiled at the same time he did.

Pulling Buffy into his arms, Spike pocketed her picture and smiled down at her, wondering if she knew just how much it meant to him.

“I have a picture of me, if you wanted…” He started.

“I…um…I already took it.” Buffy looked sheepish and bit her lower lip slightly as he smiled into her eyes.

He was still smiling as he pressed his lips lightly against hers, kissing her softly and sweetly as her arms wrapped around his neck. He didn’t want to let her go, didn’t want this moment to end but he knew it had to. She had given him so much, and he liked to think he’d given her something too, but they both had to go on with their lives.

Backing away from her, he kept his eyes locked with hers as her hands trailed down his arms and slipped into his. He didn’t turn away from her; he just kept stepping backwards, his hand still touching hers until the last second.

“Good luck with the band.” Buffy said, smiling through her hurt.

“Thanks…Buffy…for everything.” Spike smiled and then turned away from her, walking as quickly as he could towards his car. He felt as though he couldn’t move easily, it was like he was physically connected to her and couldn’t break away.

Buffy stood motionless on the porch as he got into the car and closed the door. As he raised his hand in a small wave, she replied with a similar gesture, her eyes rapidly filling with tears she knew he wouldn’t be able to see. She watched as he revved the engine into life and then let her eyes follow him as he drove away from her.

As his car disappeared around the corner, she realised that she didn’t have his number.

She let her eyes drop to rest on her feet, looking at them where she stood surrounded by her suitcases and unable to move.

Even breathing hurt.

Closing her eyes, she heaved a long sigh and let the tears slide down her cheeks. She’d told him last night that no matter what happened they would still have that moment together.

She’d meant it then.

Now she wanted so much more.

She didn’t want to be alone with the memory of him. She wanted to be with him, day in and day out, twenty-four-seven.

She wanted to breathe him in as she slept, just like she’d done last night.

She wanted to feel his soft lips against hers in a kiss that seemed to never end.

She wanted to feel his arms around her, holding her protectively as though he could keep her away from the hurt the world offered on a daily basis.

She wanted him.

But he was gone.

And she got the feeling she’d never see him again.

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