Love In Vein: Book Two - Chapter 10

Buffy shifted uncomfortably where she sat on the couch in Giles' apartment, a large tome resting on her knees. She hadn't been able to sleep last night and she was starting to wonder if she would ever get any rest any at all when Spike was absent from her bed. She had thought that being back in her old house would have afforded her a good night's sleep, but it had been more restful for her when she had been in LA and had been able to snuggle up in Spike's arms. They had only been back in Sunnydale for three days and she was missing Spike at night so badly that seeing him during the day wasn't even coming close to making up for it.

Last night her desire to forgo the consequences of angering her mother by going to Spike had been almost overwhelming. She had felt like she couldn't function without him being close to her, without his arms holding her tightly and his fingers traversing her flesh.

Staring blankly at the open book in front of her, she knew that everything she had felt he had been feeling too and he still was. His words to her on the porch had been a sure indication that he felt the lust and need as keenly as she did--only he seemed to be able to handle it better.

He, of all people, had more control over his feelings than she did.

"Stupid vampires." Buffy groused as she thought about how that particular species of demon was always painted as being impulsive, yet the two she had wanted both seemed to have an iron grip on that trait.

Spike raised his head from his book and watched as she licked her lips. His eyes flickered to the corridor that led to the bathroom and he struggled for control as a small voice whispered that he could take her there and give her the relief that they both so desperately needed. He shut the book forcefully with a quiet growl of discontent and bit his tongue to quieten the feelings inside him. As the pain registered he latched onto the chance to focus on something other than the irresistible urge he felt to grab hold of her and kiss her senseless.

Resisting her had become seemingly impossible since last night.

Now that Buffy knew what was coming, the claim wanted to be consummated and he wanted nothing more than to do its bidding.

Wanted to so badly that he felt like it was killing him.

So what was stopping him?

It wasn't just his desire to claim her.

As Buffy wetted her lips once more he twitched slightly, his fingers flexing as his mind ran over scenario after scenario, all involving getting Buffy into the bathroom and naked as quickly as possible.

He stepped towards her and then stalled.

It was the first time since that night that she had worn a skirt, the wounds on her legs had gone but he could still make out the faint scars they had left behind.

Meeting her eyes, he furrowed his brows as she pulled her skirt down to cover her exposed shins. The look on her face made his chest ache. Her eyes were so innocent yet hurt. In them, he could see a world of pain that wasn't going to be easily forgotten.

Buffy blinked as she watched him hesitate for a moment and then walk out of the door. She swallowed as her eyes came to rest on her skirt and she realised that the feelings of desire in both of them had disappeared.

Placing the book down on the sofa beside her, she stood up sharply and followed Spike out of the door.

She bit her lip as she watched him pacing the courtyard, his fingers teasing his hair as he frowned at the floor.

"Spike?" Buffy said quietly and saw his eyes flicker to her for a moment before he stared down at the floor again and continued to tug on his blond locks. "I've been thinking."

Spike looked at her properly and gave her a questioning frown as he stopped pacing. "About what?"

"Us." She dropped her gaze and traced the little cracks in the paving as she waited for his next question.

"Us?" Spike cocked his head to one side and took a step towards her.

"I can't sleep without you…is that the claim or is it just…that I want to be near you."

He could feel the confusion inside her as clearly as if it was his own. He'd not questioned his feelings or the motivation behind the things he wanted to do with her. He knew it wasn't the claim that made him want to be with her, to be close to her and hold her while she slept.

He took another hesitant step towards her and the feeling of confusion grew stronger. She seemed to be consumed by it.

"It's not the claim, Buffy."

"Is it the only reason I came to get you in LA?"

"No." Spike shook his head and held his hand out to her. When she slipped hers into it, he led her to the fountain and sat down on the edge. Buffy settled on his lap when he patted his knee and he smiled at her. "This claim…just feeds off what we feel. It's a part of the emotions and feelings we have for each other. It's not a thing…it's a force that exists in us both, it guides us to each other. It's a higher sense, working above all the others but tapping into them to strengthen them all. It's…"

"Hard to explain?" Buffy offered and smiled when he nodded at her. "So, this claim doesn't put feelings in me…"

"It can't. It's a part of your feelings, it's born of them. When you instigated the claim it linked us via the emotions we feel for each other, it just strengthened a bond that already existed and gave us a means to look out for each other."

"Oh…I think I'm getting it now. It can only heighten what we already felt. When I was panicked about you being hurt and needed to look after you, it was really me feeling that. When I want to be in your arms as I sleep, it's what I want, not what the claim wants."

Spike let his fingers play with hers and frowned. "I can't sleep either…you've done me in, Summers…we have to find a way around your mum. I'll kill something if I don't get a good sleep soon."

"Agreed." Buffy nodded and then looked pensive as she went to ask another question but stopped herself.

"What?" Spike shook his head as she looked coy. "I know what you're feeling, remember? Can sense when you've got a question burning on your lips."

"Spike, I need to know…"

Spike narrowed his eyes on hers as he attempted to try and figure out what she was going to ask. The seriousness of her expression told him that whatever it was she needed an honest answer and that he was willing to give her.

"Did you…and…Drusilla…bond?" A frown wrinkled her nose as she lowered her eyes to her hands. She couldn't believe that she was shaking. She had faced insurmountable odds, had defeated the Master, had defended Sunnydale against all apocalypses and evil thrown at it without showing a fraction of the nerves she was feeling now.

Spike placed his hand over hers and sighed out through his nose as he held onto it tightly. He hadn't been expecting her to ask about Drusilla. Her shaky question had brought William to the forefront and he found himself quieted--his thoughts no longer on completing her claim and counter claiming her. He looked down at her legs again and let his mind recount the events that had led them to this moment. She had been so hurt, so emotionally scarred and in the past few days, he had almost forgotten it. He had wanted to act out his impulses and make her belong to him, without thought a to the consequences.

William cursed him.

Spike almost laughed.

Cursing himself wouldn't make his fate any worse.

He had been cursed from the moment he set foot into the realm of the night.

Looking down at Buffy as she waited with a soft and patient expression on her face, he found himself standing on the brink again. In every look she offered, every action she made, she seemed to present him with a chance to prove himself to her and to give him the opportunity of redemption. All he had to do was take it.

Redemption. So small a word with such a big meaning. Spike reasoned with himself that no vampire wanted redemption, to atone for their sins would take too much, too many years of becoming a saint and receiving nothing at the end of it. In the end, the final moments, you would still die again and lose it all in the fires of hell.

Redemption hardly seemed worth it when you were destined never to see heaven.

"Spike?" Buffy dipped her head and looked up at him. She would have given anything to know what was happening inside his head at that moment. He seemed so heavy in thought, lost in it almost. She wanted to ask him what was playing on his mind.

"No." Spike answered truthfully and pushed away from his thoughts of redemption, shutting them away again and hoping they wouldn't resurface this time.

"No?" Buffy's lips curled into a serene smile that made William want to reach out and tell her that she looked like Botticelli's Venus.

"If we had, then you couldn't have claimed me without getting the other reversed or killing one half of the bond." Spike watched her eyes widened and arched a brow. "Now, about Dru, I know she's crazy…and a vampire…and that's as good a reason as any for you to kill her…but…she's still my sire and the chances of her coming around here are slim and all…"

"You don't want me to slay her, do you? Not ever?" Buffy couldn't hide how hurt but curious she was about his motivation behind asking her.

"I don't know. Sometimes I wish I'd killed her myself…promise me this…this one thing…if she comes back here…if we ever encounter her when we're together…you'll let me deal with her."

Buffy ran her fingers over his cheek as he gave her a serious look. She stifled the feelings of jealousy inside her and reasoned that she would want the same in return if Angel ever became Angelus again. She smiled and nodded. "You can deal with her…she always used to put me off with the whole insanity gig."

Spike grinned and saw Buffy's amused look being gradually replaced with a pensive one.

"More questions?" Spike looked deep into her eyes, they were dark pools in the moonlight and he found himself becoming lost in them as she built up to asking her question.

"Why?"

"Why what?" He frowned slightly and something told him that her question was no longer claim orientated.

She pressed the flat of her hand against his chest and ran her fingers down it as she met his gaze. "Why don't you want me?"

Spike laughed as he looked at her. Her expression was so deadly serious that he couldn't help himself. He shook his head as he smiled at her and held her closer to him.

"I figured it out tonight, in the living room back there. It's not my usual style and I think you know that. Normally, I would've taken you every imaginable way by now. That's why you just asked the most ridiculous question on earth and I'm about to give you what will sound like an even more ridiculous answer. But, truth be told…I'm waiting for you, love." He said earnestly and watched her frown before looking down at her lap and closing her eyes. Spike placed his fingers under her chin and tried to raise it up. When she resisted him, he let them brush against her cheek and sighed. "I may be a vampire, a monster in most eyes but I'm not that kind of monster and I'd never, never push you…not after…not ever."

Buffy swallowed as the weight of his words made her whole body warm through. She felt like an idiot. All this time she'd been thinking that he didn't want her like she wanted him but in reality, he was waiting for her to be ready. After what he'd seen happen to her because of his taking her hostage, he didn't want to cause her any pain by trying something when she was still coping with what his minions had attempted to do to her.

A lump formed in her throat as she thought about the time she'd spent in his lair and the things that had happened. She curled up on Spike's lap and her breathing hitched in her throat as she felt his strong arms holding her tightly and listened to his whispered words of comfort.

The lust and need she'd been feeling seemed distant and nothing more than a quiet murmur at the back of her mind as she focused on the way his arms felt around her. She closed her eyes and let her cheek rest against his chest. It was cool and comforting under her and she found herself drifting away.

Spike pressed a kiss to her hair as he listened to her breathing become shallow and soft. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of her head, wanting nothing more than to allow himself to sleep along with her.

Sensing a person nearby he shot his eyes open and frowned at Giles. Before he had a chance to say anything about Buffy being in his arms, Spike pressed his finger to his lips to intimate that it would be wise if he kept quiet.

Spike slipped his arm under her legs and cradled her to him as he lifted her up. He frowned at Giles and then quietly acknowledged Willow as she appeared in the doorway, a blanket wrapped tight around her shoulders.

Carrying Buffy back to the apartment he paused as he came level with Giles and turned his head to look at him.

"She hasn't slept properly in days." He whispered quietly and then looked down at her where she lay in his arms. "I haven't slept in days, not that that matters. If she doesn't sleep…she won't be strong when this hell beastie pays a visit. I've seen the way you watch her…the way you look at her…I saw it since the day I met her…I'll only ask you once. Stop judging her and let her lead her own life. Let her rest in my arms if it's the only place she finds peace."

Giles tried to build up the strength and courage to answer him but instead stood mutely frozen to the spot as Spike continued into the apartment, Buffy in his arms and Willow in tow.

He raised his eyes to the stars as he heaved a long sigh. Dealing with Spike was growing to be more complicated than he had expected. He seemed to have an incredible foresight and intelligence that he hadn't given him credit for and now Spike was going to make him pay for it.

Willow stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at Giles.

"He won't hurt you." She said quietly and gave him a smile as he looked around at her. "He just wants what is best for Buffy, like we all do."

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