Love In Vein: Book Two - Chapter 25

Buffy paced the long white corridor alone as she tried to absorb what the doctors had told her about Xander. They hadn’t been able to rescue his fingers, but he was in a stable condition and it was just a matter of time before he came round and they could see him. She heaved a long sigh as she turned and paced back up the length of the corridor, her thoughts weighing her down.

Spike had managed to save one of her friends by rendering him unconscious, proving that the First was only as powerful as the body it was possessing, but she didn’t want to think about what was coming. She’d feared this moment. The First had made itself known again, and they hadn’t been anywhere near prepared and had paid for it. Whatever she was going to do, she was going to have to do it fast and being alone probably wasn’t the best of her plans right now but she needed a little space to think.

She’d felt horrible when she’d asked Spike to remain with Anya and Giles outside Xander’s room. He’d protested so vehemently and with so much hurt in his eyes that she had almost caved.

But she needed to be alone, just for a few moments and she needed Spike to ensure that Anya and Giles were safe so she could think clearly without worrying about them.

Still.

Being alone wasn’t a feeling Buffy liked anymore and the moment she’d started pacing, she’d reached out and latched onto Spike’s feelings to give her a sense of comfort.

Like he was there with her, but wasn’t at the same time.

She’d tried to contact Angel’s team earlier that night but to no avail. Another attempt at daybreak still didn’t give her any joy and now she was starting to worry about them, too. Even if they had been out during the night, by the time dawn came someone should have been back at the office. She didn’t like it--it rang of wrongness and it made the nervous feeling in her stomach worsen.

Something wasn’t right in the world today.

She couldn’t put her finger on it but it felt like the past few weeks had been the quiet before the storm and now she’d hit some kind of turning point, and from here on in it was all downhill. Things were going to start happening and they weren’t going to give her time to plan like she’d had in the past, most of this battle was going to be fought on instinct alone.

One thing was clear. She needed information and she needed it fast. The Council were still in town and she was willing to beg them if she needed to in order to get the information they had on the First out of them.

Buffy turned to see a slim redhead at the enquiries desk and moved quickly towards her, the tears in her eyes springing up again as she called out her name.

“Willow!”

“Buffy.” Willow turned and wrapped her arms around her friend in a tight hug as tears stained her cheeks. “God…I got Spike’s message…tell me Xander’s okay.”

Buffy sighed into Willow’s neck and held her as tight as she could without hurting her. “He’s okay…they expect him to come around soon and then we can go and see him…they didn’t…couldn’t…his fingers…”

“Shhh…” Willow cooed as she felt the sobs convulsing her friend’s body and stroked her hair soothingly. “The main thing is that he’s going to be fine, Buffy.”

“This is all my fault…” She managed to get out in between sobs and Willow shook her head.

“No, don’t talk like that. We all know the danger we place ourselves in, it was his choice to be there with you, and I’m sure he’ll still fight with us when all this comes to a head.” Willow looked up to see Spike watching them from the end of the corridor and she forced a smile as he gave her a concerned look. It was clear to her that he’d felt Buffy’s upset and as he approached them, she managed a true smile as she watched the affection playing out on his face.

“Love?” Spike said in a gentle tone and Buffy immediately threw her arms around him. Lifting her up, he closed his eyes as her legs locked around his waist and she clung to him. “It’s okay, baby…we can see him now.”

He held Buffy a moment longer before letting her slide down his body to her feet and then wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb as she looked up into his eyes.

“You feel tired, sweetheart.” He furrowed his brows into a concerned look and she nodded. “Let’s go see your friend.”

Buffy hastily wiped her eyes and took a deep breath to prepare herself for seeing Xander for the first time since they brought him into the hospital. She reached out behind her and felt comforted when Willow’s hand slipped into hers, and then caught hold of Spike’s hand with her other.

Walking down the corridor with the two girls in tow, Spike found himself thinking over everything that had happened that night. He could feel how drained of energy Buffy was and he could understand why--she’d been crying almost constantly since it had happened. He knew a large part of the reason she had wanted a few moments alone was because Giles had looked constantly stunned by how upset she seemed to be and she had began to feel as though she needed to be the strong one again.

He wished he could shatter the ex-Watcher’s misconception of his Slayer’s strength. As much as it pained him to say it, most of her power came from her heart. It wasn’t just that the first Slayer had been given the heart of a demon; it was that over time the heart of the human won over in the Slayer line. Buffy’s strength came from her heart, from her love of her friends and family, from her love of the world. The burden she carried was like no one else’s and it was the strength of her love that allowed her to do her calling.

Buffy loved deeply.

That was why she was the strongest Slayer he’d ever met. She was the one.

She had ties to the world that kept her fighting, no matter how badly the odds were stacked against her, and when one of the loved ones in question was hurt, she had every right to be upset.

Spike slipped his arm around her shoulders as they came to a halt outside the room and he realised that Anya and Giles must have already gone in.

Looking down at the puffy eyed, tired Slayer in his embrace, Spike smoothed the hair from her damp cheeks and smiled as she looked up at him.

“Remember the time in the kitchen, with your mum?” He said.

Buffy nodded as she remembered them telling her she didn’t have to pretend around them.

“Same goes for everyone, love, don’t hold back your feelings because some don’t understand that you’re a girl at heart. You have a right to be upset…just, be Buffy.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and watched her walk into the room. Waiting for a moment, he found Willow smiling wide as she came towards him.

“Wise words…knew you had it in you.” Willow patted his arm as a show of affection, her smile letting him know that she agreed with everything he’d said.

“Just can’t stand seeing her bottle it all up and push people away because some think she should act strong all the time.” Spike gave her a brief but heartfelt smile as she nodded at him and then stepped towards the room.

“You’re not coming in?” Willow asked with a concerned look.

“Figure it might be a little crowded in there.”

“Lack of space, yeah…so it has nothing to do with not quite fitting in, or the disturbing display of affection that is bound to happen?” She grinned.

“Just get in there.” Spike nudged her playfully and she mock pouted at him before walking into the room.

He sighed.

He really was starting to like the little redhead. She had a fiery temperament and he liked the way she teased him like he was just another member of the gang, not a vampire to be pushed to the sidelines like other people thought.

Vampire hearing decided to prove him wrong on that point.

“Where’s Spike?”

He heard Xander’s voice ringing clearly in amongst the animated chatter of the room and he cocked his head to one side. As Buffy appeared beside him, he realised his hearing wasn’t playing tricks on him.

“Hey.” Buffy gave him a look that said she didn’t understand his choice to remain outside the room and took hold of his arm. “Xander was wondering where you were, I was wondering where you were.”

“Thought it would be a little crowded, you know, Scooby central and all.” Spike muttered as way of an excuse but saw in her eyes that she wasn’t going to accept it.

“Scooby central? In that case, you belong at the heart of it, with me.” Buffy tugged on his arm and just smiled as he rolled his eyes.

He had an idea of what was coming, knew why Xander wanted to see him and he wondered if Buffy was expecting him to react the same way he had done to her when she’d thanked him.

Things change.

People grow accustomed to different environments and he was no exception.

If she chose to thank him again now, he’d accept it and not see it as a sign of weakness that he had done something good in his life. He wasn’t looking for atonement, didn’t need forgiveness for his sins like his grandsire did, so being thanked was just that--being thanked. Whether it was for an evil deed or a good one, it was all the same in the end--just a show of gratitude for an unnecessary act.

It didn’t change who he was.

He knew at heart that time had done that already, being around Buffy almost twenty four hours a day for the past few weeks had altered him dramatically, but only because he had allowed it to. He’d let the part of him that had always struggled to break free of the chains that kept it locked inside, come to the surface, and amazingly, it felt good.

He felt free from restraint, no longer pigeon holed into the role of vampire like so many others. He could straddle the line that, sometimes, barely separated the vampire in him from the human.

He did it because he could, because part of him had always wanted to be able to be both man and monster at the same time.

It had nothing to do with redemption.

Or atonement.

So why did it keep coming up?

Why did he sometimes feel he was on a mission to improve himself, to show the entire world how good he could be?

To prove that he was a better man now, after all his experiences, than he had been in life.

Spike swallowed that thought and tried to push away from it.

It seemed redemption wasn’t something you sought out--it was something that sought you out. Life handed you opportunities and destiny guided your hand to lead you to the right decision, all tied up with the neat bow of redemption.

Suddenly it appeared that the one thing he’d spent so long trying to push away from, had sneakily been leading him down this path all along.

From the second he’d seen the Slayer; he’d been placed on the road to redemption. He could never kill her, had always been fascinated with her and had even formed a truce with her in order to save the world.

Then, when he’d been handed the opportunity to drain her dry without her even putting up a fight--he’d saved her.

Drusilla had been his salvation from a life of mediocrity, Buffy was to be his saviour for his sins--she was going to give him back his life.

Only he wasn’t sure if he really wanted it.

Part of him felt cheated by destiny--the demon part.

The other part of him was curious about where this would all lead him.

“Spike?” Buffy tugged on his arms again as his eyes remained glassy, his lips slightly pursed in thought.

“Huh?” Spike raised his brows and blinked at her.

“You coming? And don’t give me that line about it being the way you’re standing.” Buffy teased him and then let her expression turn serious when his face remained blank. “You okay? You look a little too thinky.”

Spike managed a smile. “Far too ‘thinky’ as you term it.”

Walking into the room with his girl’s hand tightly holding his, Spike braced himself and looked tentatively at Xander. He waited for a moment for him to say something and when it became obvious they were both struggling against how strange it felt to be accepting one another, Spike broke the silence.

“Sorry about the jaw, mate.” He tried to keep his voice steady as he did his best to look unaffected by the attention everyone was giving him.

“No probs, actually…kinda wanted to thank you, for…bruising my jaw for me and saving on the fingers.” Xander stumbled over his words and gave Spike a nervous smile.

“Anytime.” Spike breathed the word out quickly and found Buffy was smiling wide at him like a proud mother as she stroked his arm.

Buffy furrowed her brows as she left Spike’s side and walked towards Xander. “I’m so sorry, I wish we’d known, wish all this had turned out differently.”

“It’s fine, just tell me we’ll kick its ass when we’re ready. Besides, if I’m real lucky I’ll get to wear a glove like Luke Skywalker.”

“I have the Council’s ass’s to kick first. Even if they didn’t know about this ability of the First, I’m holding them personally responsible and plan to give them hell.” Buffy sat on the bed beside Xander and saw him smile as he patted her hand.

“The usual then.” He watched Buffy stroke his hand with a frown on her face as she looked at it. “Hey…it’s okay, Buffy…”

As a tear slipped down her cheek, Xander glanced nervously at Spike and was stunned to find him looking so relaxed when he was touching his mate.

Spike reached out and sensed Buffy’s feelings of hurt, and he could tell that she wanted to hug her friend. It was a natural reaction for her to want to both offer and receive comfort from Xander after all they had been through, and Spike realised it could be damaging to the familial bond they had if he didn’t let her.

As Buffy followed Xander’s gaze and looked over her should at him, he nodded a quiet acquiescence.

Buffy wrapped her arms tight around Xander’s neck and tried to stifle the tears as she felt Willow’s and then Anya’s arms join hers around their friend.

Xander grinned in amongst the three girls.

“There’s my girls.” He wrapped his arms around them as best he could and tried to ignore the way Spike was arching his brow.

Releasing his friends, Xander smiled at them all in turn and noticed Buffy’s expression was pensive once more.

“What’s on your mind, Buff?” He watched her as she bit her lip thoughtfully.

“I want to know how, how the First could possess one of us, why? There has to be a reason it went for you, the logical choice would have been to go with me or Spike. Use us to take you all out.” Buffy looked over her shoulder at Spike again and saw he was deep in thought too.

“Maybe it has a thing, like a twisted desire to make you suffer?” Willow offered.

“No…it doesn’t make sense.” Buffy said quietly.

“It doesn’t.” Giles agreed as he looked down at her from where he was stood by the window. “If the First wanted to make Buffy suffer it would have chosen to possess Spike, have him kill all of us in front of her eyes--she wouldn’t have been able to stop him.”

“Evil made flesh.” Spike said under his breath and everyone turned to look at him.

“What?” Buffy rose to her feet and walked over to him where he was leaning against the wall.

“The First. It’s evil itself and there’s evil in all of us, right? The First can assume the form of anything dead, but what if it can’t possess that which is dead--that which is already evil made flesh.” Spike kept his eyes locked with Buffy’s the whole time as he spoke his thoughts out loud. “What if it can’t possess you because you’re the embodiment of good…”

Buffy cut him off as she realised where he was heading. “What if it can only possess humans with the capacity for evil?”

“But all humans have the ability to do evil.” Willow didn’t look convinced as she looked from Buffy to Xander. “And I don’t think Xander has an evil bone in his body.”

Xander didn’t look so sure.

“Remember high school? The trip to the zoo? I was possessed by evil--the hyena. I can still remember what it felt like and the things I did, as though there’s a trace of it still in me.” Xander met Buffy’s eyes.

“So, you were vulnerable…but that means no one else here is.”

“I am.” Anya said quietly as she raised her hand. “Ex-demon?”

Spike raised his brows. “Let’s get this straight. Xander was possessed by evil in the past, so that made him vulnerable. Demon girl did her own fair share of bloody vengeance and that means she could be at risk too, but her possession last night wouldn’t have made such a great impact on Buffy. Not sure about my theory on why it didn’t choose me. Buffy is the champion of the people and therefore inherently good, except for when it’s that time of the month and then the First would be too busy running for the hills.” Spike waggled his brows as Buffy shot him a murderous look. “Watcher boy has to have some dark deed in his past…and then there’s Red.”

Willow smiled nervously.

“You don’t feel evil…” Spike looked her over as she continued to look worried. “Mixing with the mojo might go against you though.”

“He’s kidding, Will. You’re kidding, right?” Buffy was the one smiling nervously now; the thought of a witch going off the deep end wasn’t appealing. She was practically powerless against magic.

“So what can we do? I mean, the majority of us are at risk aren’t we?” Xander looked at Buffy with a hopeful smile.

“I don’t know. Until I can get hold of Angel and meet with the Council again there isn’t much we can do except be on our guard and think happy thoughts.” Buffy offered an apologetic look to her friends and then stepped closer to Spike. “I’m going to try Angel again, something doesn’t feel right, it was broad daylight last time I tried him…”

“I’m sure everything’s fine.” Spike said through gritted teeth as he watched the concern surfacing in her eyes. “Probably just got himself lost in the sewers.”

Buffy smiled over his attempt to lighten her mood and then curled her arm around his, her head coming to rest against his shoulder.

“Mom will be back soon.” She mused as she watched Willow and Anya talking to Xander--it was nice to see smiles on their faces, even if they weren’t wholehearted ones.

“Should get back, love. You alright?” Spike looked down at her and as she leaned her head back and met his eyes, he could see the tiredness written in her face. “You need some rest, get some strength back, going to need it for contacting the Council again.”

Buffy nodded.

The prospect of having to arrange another meeting with the Council wasn’t a pleasant one. This time she wanted it to be somewhere more familiar and more comforting than the Magic Box. Her mother wouldn’t mind if she brought the Council to her house and in a homely environment there was a chance they might be more civil to her.

Everything seemed to have come at once. Angel was doing a disappearing act that seemed strangely familiar to her; it was something he seemed to do every time she needed him. The First had decided to shake things up and she didn’t know how long it was going to wait before it started tearing apart her world little by little until there was only her left.

And now she needed to meet with Quentin Travers again.

She hoped with all her heart that things would run smoothly this time and they would give her the information she needed in exchange for a simple apology.

She could live with a dent in her pride, so long as her friends were safe.

Buffy looked up at Spike as he led her out of the room and down the hall.

Something told her things weren’t going to go smoothly, no matter how dented her pride got.

Something told her that now she was on the roller coaster that was the lead up to this battle, there was no way off.

And what’s more, things were about to get a lot worse.

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