Love In Vein: Book Two - Chapter 31

Spike watched Buffy with an expression of patient boredom as she scribbled a note to his grandsire. All he wanted to do now was get into his car and drive his girl back home, placing as much distance between himself and Los Angeles as possible.

He resisted the desire to frown as he cast a glance at his surroundings. The dark little basement room that was Angel’s abode sent chills running up his spine, the memories this place invoked haunting him.

Buffy hurried along, trying to get this last task out of the way so she could get Spike out of the building. Even though he was hiding it well, she could sense that he wasn’t comfortable hanging around Angel Investigations and that he would rather they were on the road already.

Signing off at the bottom of the note, Buffy placed it somewhere Angel would see it and then quickly moved across the room to her mate. She slipped her hand into his and caught the appreciative smile that flitted across his face as he looked down at her.

“Let’s go.” She breathed even as she was already heading for the exit to the garage.

Spike felt like his whole world had found its balance again as his car came into view, the sleek black Desoto silently greeting him and giving him back a piece of himself that he’d felt lost without. He knew Buffy would laugh at him if he said aloud what he was feeling, but his car was as much a part of who he was as his demon and his trademark coat. The past few weeks without it had left him feeling as though he wasn’t the vampire he’d always been, like he wasn’t complete without it.

Buffy held his hand a little tighter as she felt both relief and contentment running through Spike. She knew without asking that he was glad to have his car back, she’d be a fool if she said she didn’t know how much the black heap meant to him. After all, she felt ridiculously attached to Mr. Gordo after all their years together, and she suspected that Spike had been in ownership of his Desoto for longer than she’d owned her pink pig.

Pulling the door open, Spike grinned as he held his arm out, ushering his mate into the passenger seat. His smile faltered slightly as he remembered the last time he’d ushered her in such a similar manner into his car--it had been the night that he’d decided to take her back to Giles after her ordeal in the caves and it had hurt like hell to see her go.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy paused as she was about to get into his car and frowned up at him, feeling a sudden sadness in him.

“Just bad memories, nothing to fret over.” He offered her a little smile but saw she wasn’t going to be convinced by it. Suddenly feeling as though he was on the verge of losing her all over again, he threaded his fingers into her hair and kissed her briefly but passionately, like he’d wanted to all those weeks ago.

“Okay, now I know there’s something wrong.” She stepped towards him as his blue eyes expressed all the sadness he was trying to hide inside. Reaching her hand up, Buffy ran her fingers through his hair until she reached the back of his head.

“Bad memories, like I said…it’s nothing, it’s ridiculous.” He rolled his eyes at himself as he realised that there was no way he could say what he’d felt without sounding like a ponce.

“It’s not nothing, Spike. I can feel it isn’t nothing.” Buffy let her frown melt away as she brought both hands up and twirled the hair at the nape of his neck around her fingers. Her voice became gentle as she tried to draw it out of him. “Tell me.”

Spike placed his hands on her waist and looked down into her eyes. Finding them soft with affection, he sighed out through his nose and decided to trust his instincts when they told him she wasn’t about to laugh at him if he admitted to what had run through his mind.

“For a moment, like a second, I felt…I felt like I…was losing you all over again.” He lowered his eyes to rest on the small gap between them as she raised her brows into a look that said she was trying to grasp what he was saying.

Buffy looked at his face as he continued to look awkward and then down at the car. Her mouth opened slightly as it dawned on her what Spike was talking about and she remembered how she’d felt the night he’d taken her back to her friends and left for LA, her feelings flooding back so strongly that she felt as though she was reliving that moment all over again.

She stared unseeingly at Spike’s chest as she remembered how desolate and cold she’d felt when she’d watched his car disappearing into the night, and how empty he’d left her.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Spike whispered quietly, and was surprised by his words and how for once it wasn’t William speaking, it was his demon. “I can’t lose you.”

Buffy raised her eyes slowly to look at his face and then caught his cheek, bringing his blue eyes around to meet hers. “You’re not losing me, there’s no goddamn way that’s ever going to happen. I mean, we’re mated, that means forever, right?”

“Buffy…” Spike started and he could see by the way her brows knit slightly and the soft edge left her eyes that his one word had placed seeds of doubt in her mind.

“What, Spike?” Her frown intensified as she waited for him to speak, only it looked as though whatever he had been about to say had been pushed to one side and he was thinking of something else to say instead.

“About that.”

“About what?”

“Mating.” Spike tried his best not to look awkward as Buffy’s eyes widened.

“What about it?” She didn’t know why his words were making tiny sparks of panic lance through her, but they were racing along her nerves and growing worse by the second.

“We’re not.” He moved his eyes to rest on the roof of his car and waited for her to speak. Locking onto her feelings, he monitored them as she continued to stare at him in silence. He could feel her eyes on him, knew that her lips would be parted and her brows contracted into a frown as his words sunk in.

“We aren’t?” She couldn’t quite get herself to believe it, no matter how many times she let the words run through her head, they weren’t making any sense.

Spike shook his head.

Buffy didn’t know what to say.

She’d been convinced that they were fully bonded now; that their session of lovemaking and the things they had gotten up to together would be enough to complete the mating.

Deciding that it was probably best if he at least attempted to explain to Buffy before she lost her temper about his reasons for not compounding their bond, Spike turned to look at her and took a deep breath, instilling himself with the confidence he needed to see the hurt in her eyes.

“I couldn’t…” He started but found his mate cutting him off mid-sentence.

“You couldn’t?” She snapped at him and watched his jaw muscles as they tensed in frustration.

“Let me finish.” He shot her a warning glare and smirked when she relented. Taking another deep breath, he sighed it out through his nose and looked straight into her rich green eyes. “I couldn’t because I knew you were still…Christ, if I say fragile you’re gonna box me aren’t you? Sod it, you were too fragile still.”

“Explain.” Buffy folded her arms across her chest, showing him that she wasn’t about to lash out at him for anything he might say.

“Mating is a little brutal, sweets. It’s not simply consummating the relationship, it’s demonic, it’s rough, brutal and you’re not ready for it.” He watched as his words gradually sunk in and she pouted slightly, clearly offended on some level that he thought she couldn’t handle it.

“When?” Buffy questioned as she looked him straight in the eye and was slightly satisfied by how taken aback he looked.

“Pardon?”

“When then, if I’m not ready now, when?” She said, not wanting to sound like she was about to throw a strop over him deeming her fragile but at the same time needing to know if he thought she’d be ready soon. Now that she knew they hadn’t actually mated, the sense of comfort the consummation of their relationship had given her drifted away, leaving her feeling exposed and making her earlier words to him seem empty.

She couldn’t lose him.

She needed to know that what they had was forever.

“Soon, pet.” Spike braved a step closer to her and let his fingers brush against hers. He smiled as she responded by slipping her fingers into his and taking hold of his hand. “I want to, want to do this right, want this to be always, but I can’t risk sending you back to dream land again, can’t bare seeing you like that, knowing that I’m the one responsible for it.”

“You won’t, Spike, I know that you won’t, but I suppose you know best about all this since you’re the vampire out of the two of us.” She risked a smile and felt relieved when the corners of his lips curved in response. “Soon, though, right?”

Spike’s smile widened a little over hearing the desperate note that laced her voice. That she needed to have their claim completed and rendered unbreakable touched his undead heart and he rewarded her with a slow, drawn out kiss.

Buffy felt as thought he’d given her all the confirmation she needed as he drew back, leaving her lips aching for his.

She held his gaze for a moment as they stood close together, their bodies brushing against each other and their hands clasped. Something about the look he was giving her spoke volumes about what was to come and she could see that whatever was involved in their future mating, it really was going to be as rough as he’d told her. His words were the truth, no embellishment to make the ritual seem like more than it was, but ones chosen specifically for how closely they represented what was in store for them.

And it was clear that it wasn’t going to be easy.

Brutal, rough, demonic.

All three words that summed up just how painful completion of their mating would be.

All three words that both scared and thrilled her at the same time.

She felt drawn to the mating, wanting to cement the bond and see just what it was about the ritual that had Spike concerned for her well being. She was convinced that she could handle whatever it entailed. She was stronger than Spike gave her credit for and his words had piqued interest in her darker side. The information she’d read on claims and mating didn’t go into detail about the actual process, and although Spike had told her that he’d never gone through the process himself, she got the feeling that he would instinctively know what to do.

“Soon.” Spike ushered her into the car and shut the door when she was settled.

He couldn’t lie to himself. She was as ready as she would ever be to go through the ritual, but part of him kept holding back, as though it was waiting for the last moment possible before going through with mating.

After all the promises he’d made her, he was going to hurt her regardless. In order to place a bond between them that was as strong as he wanted it to be, he had no choice but to break what they already had and then instigate a new one. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that she’d be fine with what he had planned, he knew that the instant he broke his promise to her he’d lessen the trust she placed in him, and the affections she felt toward him.

But it had to be done.

For both his sake and hers.

If she knew the things that he did, then she’d be able to see that what they had right now wasn’t good enough; her claim on him wasn’t strong enough. The demonic history of her ancestors and the abilities that were inherited by her were enough to create a claim on him, but not enough to bring out the full effect of it.

He needed the abilities a strong bond gave them.

They needed them.

He couldn’t lose her.

He just couldn’t.

Review This Story/Chapter!

It only takes a minute to send me feedback, but it makes my whole day. Simply fill in the form below: