Love In Vein: Book Two - Chapter 35

Spike watched as the sky darkened, the sun gradually sinking below the horizon and letting the night descend. He took another long drag on his tenth cigarette and let the smoke curl from his lips and dissipate in the still air.

She was coming.

He could feel her.

And she was madder than hell.


Buffy pushed the back door open hard, ignoring the way it slammed against the side of the house and stormed straight toward Spike. She could still taste the blood in her mouth, could still feel it tainting her with a hunger.

She’d woke alone but not alone, it was as though he was there with her but he wasn’t and it had felt weird, alien. She’d lay still for a moment, letting herself adjust to the new sensations that were flooding her and trying to make sense of everything that she remembered, and everything that was still happening to her.

Stopping next to Spike, she tried to ignore the hurt she could feel in him, the anxiousness and sadness that she could feel as clearly as if they were her own.

She turned a frown on him and struggled to find the words she wanted to say.

“You promised.” Her voice was low, a deadly whispered that threatened of things to come.

Spike just looked at her. There were no words to counter hers, nothing he could say to take away the hurt he could feel in her. He was guilty as charged and he didn’t see the point in trying to defend his actions--he’d broken a promise to her.

“How am I supposed to trust you?” She raised her voice slightly, not shouting at him but making it clear how hurt she was, in case he couldn’t already feel it in her.

He sighed, closed his eyes and reached into his back pocket.

Buffy stared at the stake he was holding out to her, the sight of it turning her stomach worse than the new claim already was and making her sick.

He realised she didn’t understand what he was telling her, couldn’t remember what he’d said during the claiming. She’d been too far gone to be aware of anything but pain, pain that he’d caused her.

Another promise broken, but she hadn’t picked him up on that one, yet.

“I said you’d want to kick my arse.” He placed the stake into her trembling hands, took off the ring of Amara and pulled the lapels of his duster to one side, exposing his chest to her. “Just make it quick.”

Buffy mouthed silent words as she looked at him in disbelief. He was standing with his eyes locked on hers, the crease between his brows evident as he furrowed them, waiting for her to make a move.

She felt horrified.

Spike closed his eyes as he heard the stake clatter to the floor and he turned his head to one side, relief coursing through him as he heard her voice, quiet and tentative as she remained fixed to her spot.

“I don’t want to kill you, I just want to know why.”

“I had to.” He replied honestly and saw the confusion still evident in her eyes. “I couldn’t have the claim that way, it wasn’t right.”

“Wasn’t right?” Buffy’s patience snapped as she looked at him, suddenly feeling as though he thought that being claimed by her was revolting and that she wasn’t strong enough for him. “That’s a pathetic excuse, Spike. You just didn’t want to look weak.”

Spike tensed his jaw slightly and kept a tight rein on his feelings as he looked at her. Losing his temper wasn’t going to get him anywhere, and although she’d dropped the stake it was still close enough to her to be a danger to him.

“I did it for you.” He took a step toward her, hoping she’d see in his eyes that he was telling the truth. “I did it for your protection, love. You won’t understand that right now, but…”

Buffy cut him off as she squared up to him, trying to push him into a reaction that she could deal with because his gentle words were starting to make her cave. “Do you think I’m weak? Is that why you did this switch on me? Is that why you broke my claim?”

He shook his head in the negative.

“Because I don’t need you trying to lead my life for me, I have Giles for that!” She frowned as she saw he wasn’t going to be goaded into reacting in a way that would give her fuel for her own anger.

“I did it for you, love.” His voice was pleading her to believe him as he kept it gentle. “There are things about claims that aren’t in the books, things you won’t understand right now, not until you see them. This way round the claim is stronger, the bond between us eternal. It can’t be broken, not ever, Buffy, and it’s what makes us stronger.”

Buffy felt nothing but confusion as she tried to make sense of what he was saying to her. She breathed in sharply as he took hold of her hand in his and pressed her palm against his chest. The contact between them seemed to quiet the rage inside her and she felt warmth emanating from within as his hand came to rest against her chest.

“It’s more than a connection, Buffy, it’s a bond, one that lasts forever. Forever can be a long time.” He could see she still didn’t understand and offered her a soft smile, one full of love and tenderness, in the hope that it would reassure her. Placing his free hand over hers where it rested against his chest, he looked deep into her eyes. “One day you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’m sorry it had to happen like this, but my feelings for you are still there and they’re nothing if not stronger than they were before. I have no more power than you, you have no more power than me, the mating saw to that. I’ll be good to you, Buffy, if you’ll just let me.”

Unsure of how she was supposed to react, Buffy just stood staring into his eyes. She held his gaze as she turned her hand round, taking hold of his tightly and silently trying to show him that she’d let him be good to her.

The intensity of the feelings inside her made her smile and she knew they were all coming from Spike. Since he’d instigated the new claim, everything had felt different, stronger. The old claim that had lain between them felt like a weak echo compared to what she could feel now. She looked down at the stake and frowned.

He’d risked her killing him to show her that she could trust him; that he was willing to give up his life for hurting her.

She let out a small sigh as she remembered seeing the same look in his eyes for a brief second during the time he was breaking the claim that she’d seen in the basement after the Magic Box incident. A flash of an image fluttered behind her eyes and she raised them up to meet Spike’s.

“What?” Spike frowned as he found her watching him, her eyes telling him she was gearing up to asking him something.

Something big.

“William?”

Spike felt the bottom of his stomach drop away.

“Tell me what happened in the basement, tell me why that name scares you sometimes.” Buffy edged nearer him as she felt the fear arcing through him, his eyes giving away just how the sound of his name uttered on her lips made him feel.

He wanted to say he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, tell her about William, about the man he used to be, but the words were washed away when he realised that she was asking him to trust him.

By revealing his innermost fear.

By baring himself to her wholly.

Spike sat down on the steps and lit another cigarette as he considered what to say in response to what she’d asked of him.

“Give me a minute, okay?” He took a drag on his cigarette and tried to get his thoughts into order.

“Okay.” Buffy sat down next to him, smoothing her long denim skirt as she did so. She could feel that he needed time to build up to telling her, that whatever it was about the person he used to be that he was going to tell her, it wasn’t easy for him to say.

She understood that perfectly.

“I saw you.” She said quietly, knowing he’d fully understand what she was trying to tell him.

“Must be the Slayer in you, visions from vampire blood and all.” Spike’s voice was distant as he stared at the bottom of the garden, his mind still trying to gather his thoughts on the man he used to be.

“Must be.” Buffy turned her head to face him, watching his lips as the smoke drifted out of them in an almost tranquil manner. “But it wasn’t just the vampire in you I saw. I know how hard this must be, you know that I do. I live my life pretending to be strong, hiding my weaknesses from the world because I’m scared that no one will understand. But I told you, I let you all the way in and I need you to do the same for me, so I can see that we’re in this together.”

“Weak.” Was the only word Spike could pronounce as he dropped his eyes to rest on his knees.

He blinked as he saw her hand appearing in view, reaching out tentatively and gently coming to rest on his leg. He smiled slightly at her show of support.

“I don’t want to look like that to you.” Spike let his eyes slide to rest on hers as she moved closer to him.

“Do I look weak to you? You’ve seen me, Spike, seen what I hold inside and what I really am. Seen the scared side of me, seen the fear I have of this upcoming fight. Do I look weak in your eyes?” She hoped it would help him open up, he looked as though he just needed to feel like they were on even ground and he’d tell her everything she wanted to know.

“No, never, love. You’re anything but weak. But William…”

“Is a part of who you are, Spike, and from what I’ve seen of you, he plays a most important one.” Buffy could feel the uncertainty in him, could see in his expression that he was scared to tell her and that he still needed time to think. Easing off a little, she looked down at the ring she still held in her hand and then over at Spike’s bare ring finger.

He’d taken it off to show her he trusted her, that she could give him hell for what he did to her and he would feel it all. Funnily, without the ring, he seemed stronger to her than ever.

Looking up at his face, she could see the flutter of insecurity as he looked at her, could sense the nervousness in his body language and was again reminded of a scared little boy and not the vampire that she’d seen in the bedroom.

Spike struggled against the words, against the feelings that were waging an internal war and pulling him in all directions at once. He stopped the pretence of breathing as he tried to search for an escape, an avenue that would lead him out of his thoughts and back to Buffy.

An eerie calm descended within him as he realised what he had to do. It was simple really, easy when he thought about it. He just had to give in and let William take the helm for a moment, let him speak to Buffy like he had done in the past.

“You won’t love me.” The words tumbled from his lips as his more human side stole control and pushed the demon aside.

Buffy felt sick as she heard them, spoken with such heavy emotion that she couldn’t stop herself from taking hold of his hand in an effort to reassure him that she would.

“You won’t love this, this weak, pathetic sodding fool. I don’t want to be this, Buffy, don’t want to be like this. I want to be strong, want to be your champion, someone you can love.” He kept his eyes focused on their hands as she held onto his tightly, her eyes boring holes in the side of his head as she looked at him intently in the dim light.

“I do love you, no matter what, Spike. I love all of you.” She gave him a shaky smile as his head snapped up and his eyes met hers. “I love you when you’re strong, weak, scared, happy, sad…all of you. The vampire, the man you used to be. They all combine to make you who you are, to make you the man I fell in love with.”

“I don’t want…I’m afraid…can’t be hurt for love again, can’t be trampled on, not by you.”

Buffy felt her breath knocked from her by the sad expression in his eyes as they searched hers for a silent answer. She swiftly brought her hand up and cupped his cheek, seeing the pain inside him and feeling the hurt he was experiencing as if it were her own.

Suddenly it all made perfect sense.

It wasn’t so much the demon that had needed to change the claim.

It was William.

His desire not to be hurt by her, not to be crushed by his love for her, had led him to take a drastic step in order to assure himself that she would be forever his.

Buffy sniffled and tried to blink back the tears that were beginning to fill her eyes as her heart went out to him.

He really did love her. As deeply as she loved him.

“I’ll never hurt you, you don’t need to be scared of that.” She offered him a small smile and was relieved when she got one in return.

Thinking over what had transpired and how she now felt, Buffy realised that the feeling the claim gave to her now was even more comforting than it had been before. She felt reassured by the strength of their new bond, and the way she could feel him without even having to reach out with her senses.

She frowned for a split second when he heaved a sigh beside her, his eyes moving to watch her hand as it held the ring. Taking hold of his left hand, she slipped it back onto his finger and stroked it, running her finger over the gem as she looked into his eyes.

“Back where it belongs.” She said quietly and he nodded.

Her thoughts returning to what Spike had said to her, she realised there was one way she could reassure him that he wasn’t alone in how he was feeling. She could tell him the truth about how she felt, could let him past that final barrier that had been protecting her heart.

“I get scared, too.” She spoke the words so quietly that she was surprised he heard them.

Spike looked over at her, watching her as her expression became solemn and serious. He could feel the courage it had taken for her to say those words, to admit that she felt the same as him sometimes.

“Because of me?” He ventured. “Because of who I am?”

Buffy nodded, feeling the weight of her thoughts lifting off her heart slightly as she confirmed that he was the reason she was scared sometimes. “I love you, but there’s times when it all seems so frightening. When I’m confronted by the things you done in the past, even though I know they’re ancient history and I can’t do anything to change them, I get scared. I don’t fool myself, I know you’re a vampire and this relationship we have isn’t right in most peoples eyes, but I don’t give a damn.”

“It doesn’t mean you don’t get scared, though. Relationships are scary things.” Spike mused and he felt a little better when the corners of her lips curved slightly.

“Sometimes I think about what your capable of, the way you’re built for the hunt and the kill, the instincts that drive you, and it makes me think about what could happen in our future. I’m not saying that you’d do anything to hurt me, but at the same time I don’t want to have to think about having to protect my friends from you, I don’t want it to ever come to that.”

“Buffy, I’d never hurt those you love. I can’t hold what you’ve said against you, hell, I get scared too, you know? Think this doesn’t frighten me in any way?” He intimated their joined hands and she smiled knowingly. “It’s not natural, and that’s saying the very least.”

“But it feels right.” She said as she looked into his eyes, hoping to find the affection he held for her there, the reassurance she needed.

“Because it is right. It’s destiny, pet. We were always meant to be.”

Buffy nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder, smiling as his arm settled around them and he squeezed her gently.

“It’s getting dark.” She glanced at the moon as it peeked out from behind the house opposites roof.

“And with the night comes Angel.” Spike responded, saying exactly what she was thinking.

Buffy stood slowly, tugging on Spike’s hand as she forced him to stand with her. “Come on.”

“Where’re we going?” He didn’t bother stopping her as she led him back toward the house.

“We’re gonna get showered and tidy the mess up before they arrive.”

Spike raised both his brows and smiled to himself as he watched the pale moonlight reflecting off her hair. She’d astounded him by how well she’d taken his counter claiming her, and how she was showing him that all was forgiven by luring him back upstairs to the scene of the crime. Slipping his hands down to rest on her waist, he followed her without question into the house as his mind settled on the idea of showering with her, completely obliterating any previous thoughts of Angel.

He grinned wickedly.

“Sounds good to me.”

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