Love In Vein: Book Three - Chapter 13

Buffy burst through the front doors of the Council without even slowing down. She raced straight towards the now well-known hallway that was the start of the route down to Spike’s cell.

She was about to yank the door to the basement open when someone caught hold of her arm. Sickness lurched up inside her and she tore her arm away from their grip, holding it as she scowled at the offending person.

“I’m sorry…I forgot.” Giles apologised as he saw how pale she’d gone. He had acted on instinct to stop her and hadn’t thought about the fact that it would upset her because of the claim.

Buffy caught the anxious look in his eyes and stopped for a second. She could use the time to catch her breath so she wasn’t panting like a dog when she went in to see Spike.

“What’s wrong?” She frowned when he gave her an incredulous look, as though she should know what was wrong.

“Buffy, you’ve had us all worried. You missed Tara and Willow leaving. I’ve had teams out searching for you.”

“Giles, I was only gone a few hours…” She started and then looked worried herself. “Wasn’t I?”

“You were gone nearly a day, Buffy. Tara and Willow couldn’t stay any longer, but I suggest you call them to let them know that you’re okay. Where’ve you been?” The anxious look in Giles’ eyes didn’t go anywhere as he waited for her answer. He really had had teams of Watchers out searching for her, the best teams too.

“I…” Buffy could see that she’d panicked him. Her disappearing act had probably caused mayhem in the Council but she couldn’t see what had taken so long. Had she been witnessing the events in real time? Didn’t the angel have the ability to put her back where she had started from? Maybe she had to experience exactly what Spike had and in the time frame that he had. Maybe that’s why the angel had been reluctant to show her more information, because it was already taking so long. Taken so long. There was a statement that she could agree with. She had been apart long enough from her mate and now it was time to bring him back to her somehow. The angel had said that this was what she needed in order to save Spike and return him to normal, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. “I…I can’t talk right now.”

Giles just stared blankly in the direction she’d gone, his brows raised in confusion. He couldn’t believe that she had done that. She had been missing for an entire day, giving him no explanation to where she had gone and what was worse was that she didn’t even seem to know herself.

He took a step forward, hesitating in the doorway of the basement. If would be pointless to go after her right now. She would be with Spike by the time he got there and she wouldn’t talk to him. Wherever she’d been, Spike was either involved or it was something important that she had to share with him.

He let his head lower and stared down at the floor as he thought about that.

Spike in his insane state was still top of her list when it came to discussing plans and things that had happened. She still went to him first before going to himself or the Council. He remembered a time that she used to come to him, a time where he used to be the male role model in her life, but now all that was history and he felt like a fool for mourning its loss.

But he mourned it anyway.

Buffy’s reliance on him had given him a sense of importance, a sense of purpose.

Spike had taken that.

But Buffy had given him a new sense of purpose when she’d seen the old one had gone. She had offered him a chance to go back to what he had loved doing the most and had even elevated his status to as high as he could go. She’d given him the Council to rebuild and look after, and that had given him a new lease of life that he’d never thought possible.

He didn’t even miss the Magic Box. The weekly reports from there showed that Anya and Xander had everything under control in his absence and he could rest easy at night knowing that Anya was a natural when it came to selling and shop keeping.

He still missed playing an integral part in Buffy’s life though. He wondered if this was how fathers felt when they finally realised that their little girl was all grown up and no longer dependent on them, when they saw that she had a new man in her life now and all her attentions went to him first.

He felt like he’d lost a daughter.

He’d definitely gained a son.

Heaving a long sigh, he turned away from the basement and headed toward the lounge where he’d left the books in disarray. When Buffy hadn’t returned, he’d thrown himself into researching angels in the hope that he could find a way of killing one should the one they had met the other night have Buffy.

Even with her safe return, he still got the feeling it would be best to see what he could dig up from the archives.

Spike had mentioned archives before, along with Buffy. He’d mentioned that there were books that not even himself had access to or knew about, dusty books in cages that were designed to keep them in rather than keeping you out.

Walking back to the lounge, he made a mental note to find out about these books.

They might hold the answers they needed.


Buffy wrung her hands nervously as she approached the young man that was still guarding the door. She’d completely forgotten to ask Giles about him the other night, but this time she wouldn’t. As soon as she was done visiting Spike, she would go to Giles and explain what had happened, and find out about the boy that guarded Spike’s door.

She gave him a shaky smile as he opened the door without question and then waited for her to walk through before locking it behind her and opening the one to Spike.

She stepped inside and listened to the door lock behind her.

She didn’t know what to say.

How do you explain to someone that you’ve seen what they’ve done, that you know what’s wrong with them and that it’s all right, everything is fine? Would that alone make Spike come back?

Moving across the room, she knelt before him like she’d done so many times before. She unlocked the manacles that were restraining his wrists and watched as he rubbed at them, a frown knitting his brows. He seemed quiet tonight, not as troubled as he usually was. She wondered what it was he saw, what it was that haunted him. Could he see his victims? Did he relive the atrocities he’d done? Did his soul hurt with the weight of his conscience? She’d never killed anyone, but she got the feeling that if you had the slightest thread of compassion in you that you would feel the death keenly on your conscience. How many people had Spike killed? How many had he fed on before meeting her? The First had taunted her with the things that he had done, and he’d admitted that he’d killed thousands of people in his time as a vampire. She couldn’t imagine a thousand victims playing on her mind, a thousand deaths to deal with.

“Spike?” She dipped her head so she could see up into his eyes and gave him a little smile, hoping to draw his attention away from his wrists and onto her.

He blinked slowly and looked calmly at her for a moment before frantically brushing his hands against each other as though he was trying to clean something off them.

“Dirty…dirty red…bad…” He muttered as he desperately rubbed them together, his eyes wide with horror as he did so.

Buffy knew what was wrong this time.

Blood. He could see it all, just like she’d thought he could.

She placed her hands gently on his and he stopped instantly, his face full of childlike innocence as he looked at her. His eyes reflected how scared he was and she marvelled at how calm he became when she was holding his gaze. She knew he trusted her, that she was the one he could draw comfort from in all this and that’s what she was banking on—that he would listen to her and understand that what was done was done, that it was time to move forward and learn to live again.

“It’s okay.” She smiled again and brought her other hand up to lightly stroke the curls of hair away from his brow. “It’s okay, Spike.”

He chuckled at her, tears visible in his eyes as he laughed. She knew that they weren’t happy tears—they were born of sadness and despair. He was trying to laugh away all his suffering, as though pretending that it didn’t hurt meant it wouldn’t. His chuckle seemed so desperate and so futile at the same time, and she got the feeling that he knew there wasn’t any hope in trying to laugh it off but he was willing to try it anyway. She held his hand a little more tightly, trying to show him that she was here for him and that she wouldn’t go anywhere. She wanted him to see that he wasn’t alone in this, that the trust he showed to her wasn’t misplaced in any way and that she would bring him through this.

They would get through this.

Together.

“Mother will kill me…bad William…bad bad bad,” he muttered as he curled up and looked around the room fearfully, as though any second now his mother would appear to berate him.

“Spike…listen to me.” Buffy cupped his cheek and forced him to look at her. “I saw what you did.”

“I was bad,” he mumbled as he turned his head away from her, dropping his eyes to avoid her gaze.

“No…not that…I saw what you did when the portal took you from me…” She gently placed her hand against his chest, letting her fingers lightly grasp it. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at the scars and realised that he’d been trying to scratch out his soul to stop it from hurting. It had hurt him, it was hurting him, but he was bearing it in order to be a better man—a better man for her. “I saw you get your soul.”

His head shot up, his eyes bright as he looked at her. He gave her a shaky smile and blinked rapidly, his enthusiasm shining through. “I’ve been a good boy…I have.”

“I know,” she whispered with a smile. She wondered if he understood just how good he’d been, just how proud she was of him and how deeply he’d touched her by seeking his soul in order to be able to save her when the time came. “I saw everything and it’s okay…it’s the soul that’s making you suffer, Spike, it did the same thing to Angel.”

Spike just muttered something under his breath and then shifted so he was further away from her. She watched as he scratched at his chest again, the bandages on his fingers stopping him from hurting himself but not stopping him from trying. She felt sorry for him as he growled quietly, obviously hurting inside from the guilt of the things he’d done in his life as a vampire.

She wished she could take all the hurt away, wished that she could make it all go away so he could get back to normal and be himself again.

“Go away!” he shouted at her and she went to back off slightly but he caught her wrist and held her firm, his face reflecting how much she’d scared him by trying to move away. “Not you…you stay…them, they go away…I’m not listening!”

Buffy frowned as he gripped her wrist even tighter, pulling her to him as he shouted at the empty room.

“I can’t hear you…not even here…I’ve been a good boy…I have!”

He sounded so desperate to prove that to whatever he could see that her heart went out to him.

“You have.” Buffy caught his cheek again and made him look at her. “Who’s talking to you?”

“Them…all of them…hundreds…thousands…”

“Who?” She pressed him, trying to get him to say exactly what was happening and hoping that it would help him come to terms with it.

“Can’t you see them?” he whispered low into her ear and she shook her head. “They talk to me…they’re telling me to go…to go to hell.”

Buffy held his hand tightly and gave him a serious look. “Tell them you can’t go…tell them I need you here with me. I’m not letting you go again. I’m ordering you to stay with me.”

“But I’ve done terrible things…” he started.

“I don’t care,” she interjected and kept hold of him. “You’ve done great things too, things like this.”

She pressed her hand against his chest and his eyes dropped to look at it. She smiled as he placed his hand over hers and curled his fingers around it, holding it firmly in place.

Buffy smiled and let her thumb brush against his. It had felt like forever since she’d heard him speak so much, and even though most of it was more than a little strange, it still felt good.

Chicken soup for her soul.

For the first time since seeing him again, she had a real reason to believe that he was getting better. Now that she knew what he’d done, she could set about trying to help him and trying to council him for the things that he’d done.

“I love you, Spike.” Buffy ignored the tears as they slid down her cheeks. She could see in his eyes that he was really coming back to her now, that he had heard what she’d said and that he was finally finding some peace with her help.

She wanted to cry even more when he lifted a finger up and caught the tear that was coursing down her cheek.

“I love you, too…baby.”

Review This Story/Chapter!

It only takes a minute to send me feedback, but it makes my whole day. Simply fill in the form below: