Soul Purpose - Chapter 2

Walking up to the lab doors, Buffy’s heart skipped a beat as she saw him; his back was facing her and the dark haired girl she knew as Fred was poking his fingers with something.

Taking a moment to steady herself, she realised that she probably should have given herself a few days to sort out her muddled emotions before coming to see him. She still couldn’t decide how she felt.

Instinct didn’t seem to be presenting her with an answer as she stood trembling on the spot staring at him. She knew she loved him, but how was she supposed to react to his sudden reappearance and the fact he’d left her after promising not to.

From his body language, she could tell he was relaxed, clearly absorbed in watching Fred run her tests and not aware of her being just metres behind him. If he had sensed her then she knew things would have been different. He would’ve been by her side in an instant.

Wouldn’t he?

Her heart was beating wildly against her rib cage as she watched him and she felt as though it was trying to jump out of her mouth and over to him. But she couldn’t move. She wanted nothing more than to touch him, to see if he were really there but now she was frozen to the spot, paralysed with a sudden fear that he wouldn’t be the same--that his feelings would be different somehow, he wouldn’t love her like he used to.

Inhaling deeply, she tried to steady herself as she stood in the doorway, immobilised by niggling fears that she knew would turn out to be untrue. He’d contacted her, said that he loved her and she believed him. So why was it she was petrified, her palms sweating and her body trembling with nerves?

A familiar feeling loomed up inside her.

Part of her wanted to run away.

She was on the verge of panic, could feel it pushing down on her, trying to break her. She suddenly wanted to escape, she couldn’t breathe as she watched him, her heart clenched and her feelings felt like a tornado in her stomach. She couldn’t deal with this, couldn’t face the possibility that this wasn’t real, that he was going to turn around and tell her that it was over--he was back, but it was over.

She couldn’t lose him again.

Swallowing hard, she was about to turn away when she saw Fred raise her head and smile as she looked at her.

Spike tensed.

She watched his shoulders becoming rigid as he turned slightly.

There was only one direction she could run now.

The second he stood up, Buffy ran to him.

Flinging her arms around his neck, she squeezed him as hard as she could, holding him tightly and feeling relief wash through her as his arms encircled her waist. Her whole being hummed with delight at his return, warmth dancing through her as tears threatened to fall from her lashes. It felt as though she was flying and falling all at the same time, her emotions overwhelming her and making it all seem like a vivid dream.

Like so many of her dreams of him.

“Baby.” Spike mumbled into her neck and cursed the tears that started to well up in his eyes.

Pulling away from his embrace, Buffy let her hands flutter about his body as though she was checking to make sure he was all there, that every part of him was touchable. She slowed her wandering hands as she raised her eyes up slowly to meet his, her heart sang as she recognized the clear blue ones looking back at her with a slight edge of concern but an overwhelming amount of love--she’d missed them so much.

Her heart ached.

Suddenly remembering the last time she’d looked into his eyes, Buffy couldn’t stop herself; she struck him hard across the cheek with the flat of her hand.

Spike’s hand flew to his stinging cheek, his face and eyes echoing his disbelief.

“I’m sorry…” Buffy stroked his hand where it was pressed to his cheek and furrowed her brows. “I’m sorry…just…” She paused again and when she next spoke, her voice was laced with anger, conflict reigning in her eyes. “You bastard…”

Spike quickly realised what this was all about and tried to intimate that they had company. When he reached out to her, she backed away.

“You utter bastard.” Buffy felt queasy, trapped half way between wanting to hit him again and wanting to kiss him. It was a sensation that, when coupled with her previous desire to run away, made her feel oddly at home.

Spike was definitely back.

“Don’t think this is the place to air dirty laundry, love.” Spike looked around at the people gathering in the lab. Charles, Wesley and most importantly Angel had just appeared to watch the show.

“I tell you I love you and you tell me I don’t? You knew, we talked before…” Buffy stifled her tears as her anger edged past boiling point.

Angel looked like he’d just been staked.

Fred gave a little glance to Wesley.

Charles looked confused.

Spike finally caught hold of Buffy’s arm and pulled her to him, his fingers lightly caressing her cheek as he looked nervously into her eyes.

“You were making it hard to go, pet, didn’t you see? I knew you loved me…and I…” His tone turned gentle as she blinked up at him, her green eyes swimming with tears and remorse as she again remembered what happened all those months ago. “Love you more than anything, died for you, but…” He trailed off as her fingers stroked his arm softly.

“I didn’t think, didn’t realise.” She looked up at him with pleading eyes as she furrowed her brows. “I wouldn’t have said it if I had realised I was just making things harder. I thought you would want to hear it one last time…forgive me?”

“Always, love.” Spike’s voice was gruff as he struggled against his emotions and pulled her into his arms, his soul rejoicing as she snuggled up close to him and rested her head against his chest while holding onto him tightly as though she feared he was going to disappear again.

Angel swallowed hard. He felt like someone had just broken him in two--there was Buffy, wrapped up tightly in Spike’s arms with his lips pressed softly against her hair.

Harmony was the one who broke the silence and her words surprised everyone.

“Come on people, think we should give them some time alone.” She walked around the laboratory, ushering everyone toward the exits. “Shoo.”

Seeing that he was unwilling to leave, Fred caught Angel’s arm and led him out of the door. She knew that the sight of Buffy wrapped up so lovingly in Spike’s arms was hurting him, and that making him leave them alone to talk would hurt him even more, but he had to give them the space they needed--if he loved the girl, he’d at least give her that.

When Buffy gradually emerged from Spike’s comforting embrace, she found the room around them was empty. She kept her arms locked tight around him as she slowly looked up at his face, staring straight into the beautiful blue eyes that were watching her with an intensity of emotion that she’d missed too much.

“Mmm, better, no?” Buffy mused as he tore his eyes away from hers and looked around the room, his lips playing into a smile as he saw they were alone.

“Much.” Spike said softly, his arms still snaked around her shoulders.

Her heart quickened pace again as she watched him blink languidly into her eyes. She knew what he wanted, what she wanted, and she leaned her head back in an invitation to him as her stomach flipped with nerves and excitement over the forthcoming kiss.

Dipping his head, Spike took a deep steadying breath before brushing his lips against hers. His body sung in response to the sensation of her warm soft mouth against his, and he let his eyes slip shut as he lost himself in her all over again.

Pressing her palms into his back, she sighed into him, letting their kisses remain slow and deep. Tears escaped the corners of her eyes as she squeezed them tightly shut, her heart feeling as though it was going to explode from the flood of emotions she was experiencing. She held him tighter to her, reluctant to let him go and wanting the kiss to never end. She wanted to stay in this moment, rejoicing in sensation of being back in his arms and enjoying this one kiss that brought back memories of every previous one they had shared.

Pulling away a few minutes later, Spike rested his forehead against hers and sighed in unison with her.

“Missed you.” Buffy breathed the words out in another sigh, her emotions feeling like a whirlwind inside her and threatening to carry her away. Was this how Spike had felt when she’d come back? All the pain she’d felt on losing him, all the hurt, all erased by the sight of him standing in front of her.

Spike caught the tears that were ready to fall from her lashes and gave her a shaky smile as he let his fingers play softly against her cheek.

“Missed you, too, baby.” He pressed another gentle kiss to her mouth and felt her lips trembling against his. The amount of emotion she was showing was flooring him, he’d never seen her so upset, but so happy at the same time. He’d never seen her so happy, and in turn he’d never felt so happy, or so loved. He cupped her cheek and smiled into her eyes. “Promised you that I’d never leave you…never.”

Buffy nodded as she struggled to get a hold on herself. She wanted to cry, the slightest expression or gesture by him triggering another wave of tears. She smiled. They were good tears. Happy tears. In her whole life, she’d never thought she’d ever feel this happy.

“I know.” She managed to get the words out as she took a deep breath to calm herself. He was back now, that was all that mattered, he was back and she wasn’t about to let him go anywhere. “I’ll never leave you, Spike.”

Buffy went to interlock her fingers with his and frowned when he sucked in a sharp breath and tensed his jaw slightly.

“What?” She quickly released his hands, concern filling her as she searched his eyes for the reason he’d winced.

“Nothing.” Spike grimaced as he looked at his hands, memories of seeing them gone making him want to shudder. “Still a little…a lot…painful.”

“Oh…sorry.” Buffy pulled an awkward face. In the ensuing onslaught of emotion, she’d completely forgotten the mention he’d made over the phone about having his hands removed by the psychotic Slayer she’d sent Andrew to retrieve.

Capturing his hands lightly with hers, she raised them up and looked at them, her tears finding another reason to escape her eyes as she thought about what he’d been through.

“Poor arms…poor Spike.” She bit her lower lip as she attempted to stifle a sob and brushed her thumbs lightly against his forearms.

Spike felt as though his heart was going to break as he heard the hurt in her voice. He couldn’t bear seeing her so upset, even good tears were starting to break him.

“Poor Buffy.” Spike pulled her back into his arms and held her tightly as she sobbed into his chest, her hold on her emotions snapping the instant her cheek made contact with his t-shirt.

“I thought you hated me…” Buffy forced the words out in a strangled sob as she clung to him, her fingers grasping fistfuls of his top as she screwed her face up and let the tears come. “I thought you…died…not believing me.”

Spike closed his eyes and furrowed his brows as he held her as tightly as he could without hurting her. Her words felt like daggers in his heart as he felt the harsh sobs wracking her body, making her tremble against him as she was swept away by her feelings.

“Hey…” He pulled away from her slightly and caught her chin, raising her eyes to his and trying to grow accustomed to the sight of so strong a woman so upset. He sniffed back his own tears as he wiped hers away with the pad of his thumb. “I loved you just like I always had, just like I always will. I believed in you, Buffy, so much that I wanted to save the world for you, wanted to give you a better life.”

Buffy sniffled as she tried to listen to what he was saying and then tugged him to her, kissing him softly through her tears before nuzzling his neck. “I love you, Spike.”

“Love you too, sweetheart, love you too.” Spike bent down, holding her to him with his hand on the back of her head and kissed her hair, breathing in the scent of her as he smiled.

“Let’s get out of here…go somewhere we can talk.” Buffy said into his neck and closed her eyes briefly, revelling in the way being held by him made her feel so safe and calm.

“I have a place, it’s not much…we can go there.” Spike held onto her for a moment longer before letting her step away from him and taking hold of her hand gently.

Buffy nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

Review This Story/Chapter!

It only takes a minute to send me feedback, but it makes my whole day. Simply fill in the form below: