Soul Purpose - Chapter 3

Spike closed his eyes as he lay on his back. He tried to absorb just how good this felt, lying in his creaky lumpy bed with his girl snuggled up to him. He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at her where she lay with her head against his bare chest, her fingers lightly stroking his stomach.

He smiled internally as he realised she was smiling.

He could feel it against his chest.

Idly stroking her hair with the hand of the arm that was curled around her shoulders, Spike wondered if he had come back at all. He’d gone through hell and now he seemed to be in heaven. He’d never thought things could be this way between him and Buffy, had never dreamed that after everything they had been through she would be lying so peacefully with him.

They’d had moments before they had gone into the Hellmouth, times where they had slept in each other’s arms, but it was nothing compared to this.

This was heaven.

Buffy continued to smile as she traced patterns on his torso, loving the way his skin felt silky smooth under the pads of her fingers. She felt as though she could spend eternity just lying beside him, in his arms, in his bed. Adjusting the sheets slightly, she snuggled closer to him and hooked her leg over both of his. She couldn’t get enough of how soothing his fingers felt as they toyed with her hair, or how calming the feel of his skin against hers was.

She couldn’t get enough of him.

It was probably nearing morning now; they had spent the whole night locked in each other’s arms in one way or another.

She realised that he was right--they really did do a lot of connecting. Smiling to herself, she moved so she was laying on her front beside him.

She wanted to connect another way.

Spike frowned at the loss of her body against his and gave her a quizzical look as she nestled between his arm and his side.

“Something wrong?” He hoped there wasn’t.

Buffy shook her head in a resounding ‘no’ and sighed. “Just wanted to talk.”

She gave him an unimpressed look when he pretended to be shocked at what she’d said.

“We talked before, this isn’t anything out of the ordinary…really.” Laying with one arm across his chest so she was as close as she could get to him, she let her fingers continue to play against his pectorals.

“What’s on your mind?” Spike asked as he laid his hand in the small of her back and gently ran his thumb up and down her spine.

“We didn’t do enough of this.” Buffy stated flatly.

Spike smiled. “We certainly didn’t. I seem to recall you were too busy running away from yourself.”

Buffy looked sheepish as she remembered that she had wanted to run away just a few hours ago too. Her brows creased into a frown as she realised that he was right though, she used to run away from herself a lot, too scared to face her real feelings.

“Last year was different though, wasn’t it? We talked.” She said as she looked deep into his eyes, watching the way they twinkled at her as his lips curved slowly into a smile.

“We fell in love.” He caught hold of her hand that was resting on his chest and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to it as she blushed shyly.

Buffy smiled dreamily as she thought about what he’d said and how she felt. “I really do love you, you know?”

“I know.” He smiled wide.

“I…I didn’t want to go on without you.” A weight of sadness seemed to press down on her heart as she saw the mischievous glint in his eye become rapidly replaced by concern.

“I know.” He repeated and then ran his fingers slowly through her hair, watching them as they slipped through it. “Now you don’t have to.”

Buffy smiled in spite of the heaviness of her heart and reasoned with herself that he was right--she no longer had to face the world without him, she had him back in her arms again where he belonged.

“I never want to be without you again. Crazy as this sounds, I think you showed me what it was to love, to really love, and to really be loved.” She caught hold of his hand as he stopped playing with her hair and held it gently for fear of hurting him. “I’m never leaving you.”

Spike craned his neck and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I intend to keep my promise this time, love. I’m never leaving you, I promise you that.”

Buffy closed her eyes and let her head rest on his chest, nuzzling his chin with her nose and then pressing a kiss to his cheek. She couldn’t deny that everything felt perfect. It felt as though this was the way they always should’ve been but they had only just realised how good they could really be for each other by being stolen away from each other.

Casting a glance around the room that surrounded them, Buffy couldn’t believe how drab it was, and she tried to remember if the basement of her house had been as bad as this. She smiled.

“We really need to get you out of basements.” Buffy looked up at him and found him looking straight into her eyes. “Your crypt was so much better than this, it was…”

Spike raised his eyebrows as he gauged her reaction. “Comfy?”

Buffy blushed a deep crimson as she recalled saying that in front of the potentials. She smiled awkwardly as she nodded, admitting that she had found his crypt ‘comfy’.

“So what did you have in mind? What suits me? Something with a white picket fence? Some little Italian apartment?” Spike questioned her and watched her nose wrinkle in thought.

She knew he was sounding her out, hiding his real intentions behind a half-joke, half-serious question. She didn’t falter.

“Neither.” She said flatly, swallowing her nerves. “Dawn finishes school soon, we were going to England…if it’s too soon…I mean…we don’t have to live together…but if you wanted to stay, or even just visit. I mean, I can’t be all presumptuous Buffy and assume that you’re going to want to…”

Spike pressed a lone finger to her lips to silence her and smiled into her eyes.

“Wherever you go, I’m going with you.” He let go of her mouth and made sure she could see in his eyes how serious he was.

Buffy smiled in relief and pressed a long kiss to his cheek before squealing as he grabbed hold of her and rolled her onto her back, raining kisses down on her face as he did so.


Sitting in an armchair in the only available quiet room in Wolfram and Hart, Spike cast a glance around himself at Angel’s office and then brought his attention back to the girl in his arms. He smiled at the way she was seated across his lap, her back supported by the arm he had wrapped tightly around her waist, and he couldn’t help thinking about how similar this was to the time they were magically engaged.

He realised that she hadn’t stopped talking during the time he had been taking in how beautiful she looked with such a wide and warm smile on her face. Maybe he should try focusing on what she was saying.

Spike let his fingers caress her shoulder as she curled up a little more and snuggled closer to him. He still couldn’t get over how his Slayer was suddenly so clingy, as though she didn’t believe he wasn’t about to disappear. He pressed a kiss to her cheek as she smiled at him and then followed it with another on her neck. He stared at it for a moment--the smooth bronze skin flickering with her pulse.

Buffy caught the distant look in his eyes and smiled through the nerves her thoughts caused. Hunger was painted clearly on his face and she wondered just how it would feel if she let him. Would it hurt like Angel had? Or would Spike be gentler?

Shaking her head to shift the idea of Spike biting her, she returned to the conversation and catching up with his life.

“And he was really a puppet? Man, I wish I could’ve seen that.” Buffy smiled into his eyes as he raised them to meet hers and heaved a sigh when their blue depths searched her green ones. Every time she looked at him, she couldn’t help sighing. Having him back was like walking on cloud nine and she realised that this must have been what it had felt like for him all those months ago when she’d been brought back.

Spike pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek again. He wanted to rain kisses on her, couldn’t stop himself from touching her, needed to drink her in.

He grinned as he remembered what they were talking about. “Yeah, dead funny. He was so tiny, and what with his girlfriend trying to tear him apart and all…”

Buffy’s eyes widened as Spike froze.

“Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend?” Buffy looked stunned for a moment as she convinced herself that it wasn’t anything to be upset about, she should be happy that Angel had moved on. She prodded Spike’s chest playfully with her finger and smiled. “So…spill!”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief. For a second he’d been worried she was going to get upset about the idea of Angel with another girl, but instead she’d taken it in her stride.

“Werewolf, came in a while back on a routine rescue job. She’s nice, but no Buffy…” He leaned in and kissed from her jaw down to her collarbone.

“Is there something I can do for you?” She giggled as he licked up her neck and sucked on her earlobe.

“Whatever makes you say that?” He purred into her ear and grinned.

“Spike…” Buffy started and he pulled away.

“So, tell me about bit, she okay? Andrew mentioned her a few times.” Spike gave her a curious look and noted with pleasure that she didn’t look very happy over the abrupt end to his attentive kisses.

“I think he has a crush on her.” Buffy said bluntly and with little concern. She liked Andrew, he was a little strange at times but he made her sister smile, and laugh, if Dawn wanted to date him that was fine with her. “Dawn’s okay, she’s doing so well at school. We’re going to England this summer when she’s done, going to see Giles and Xander.”

Buffy’s look became serious as she thought about her sister all those miles away.

“She misses you.” She said quietly and saw the expression in Spike’s eyes pick up a sad edge.

“Did you tell her I was back?”

“I had to, I have a policy of being honest with her now and she needed to know. She was happy, ecstatic at the thought of being able to see you again and scarily overjoyed at the prospect of us.” Buffy smiled awkwardly as he grinned at her.

Picturing Dawn being overjoyed wasn’t hard for Spike to do. He continued to smile as he thought about seeing Dawn again, his very own little sister. Along with Buffy, she was the only one he really missed out of the gang.

“So what’s Rupes up to in merry old England?” Spike asked as he let his fingers idly run up and down Buffy’s black pinstripe slacks covered thigh.

“He’s heading up the Council, training the potentials…” Buffy closed her eyes briefly as she had to correct herself. “…I mean the Slayers.”

Spike frowned as he saw how much hurt seemed to hide behind her words. He cocked his head to one side and watched the way she fixed her eyes on the distant wall, her face expressing everything to him wordlessly.

“Hey.” He jostled her slightly so her attention came back to him. “You’re still the one, Buffy. None among them are like you, none of them destined like you. It’s your power they share and you’re still the Slayer. The one. They’ll never have your power or grace, your skill…you’re a natural, you’re chosen.”

Buffy dropped her eyes to rest on her knees. “I know. I just feel sometimes like I’ve lost my path.”

She closed her eyes as she thought about how strange it had felt to suddenly go from being one of a pair of Slayers to one of thousands.

It had hurt.

She’d felt as though her identity had been stolen away, everything that had made her almost unique and had made her who she was, was suddenly shared with masses of girls of all ages.

None of them knowing who she was, or what she’d given to them. None of them knowing what she’d sacrificed by handing over her power.

“Maybe you were always meant to do this, meant to end the chosen line and turn one girl into a whole army. You’re still their leader, their General. They will always look to you for strength and guidance.” Spike took hold of her hand and held it tightly as he watched her thumb stroke the back of his hand.

Buffy stared at his hand and wondered if he knew he was the one she looked to for strength and guidance.

“Maybe I wasn’t meant to do this…maybe I’m going to go crazy thinking about this.” Buffy tried to smile as she looked into his eyes.

“You did the right thing, the necessary thing, you handed over your power without flinching, Buffy. It takes a lot to do that. It’s understandable you feel lost now, there’s a whole army of you waiting to take on the next big evil, but they couldn’t do it without you. You have the experience, the gift. You were chosen for a reason. This is just a new junction in your path, one where you need to find yourself and decide which direction to head in.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. Spike had never been one for inspirational speeches but he seemed to be on a roll today. He was right, she had to take a step back and look inside herself to see who she really was. She already knew where her heart lay and she knew she didn’t want to give up who she was--the Slayer.

“I want to be me.”

Spike smiled at her simple answer, knowing that she’d always had trouble deciding just who she was. He’d watched her grow from an adolescent who was unsure of the hand life had dealt her, to a woman strong enough to lead an army into hell itself. Somewhere along the line, she must have discovered who she was.

“And you are?” He cocked his head to one side as he narrowed his eyes tenderly on hers.

“Slayer, comma, The. I want to go to England, want to make sure those girls are ready for anything, want to lead them like I was destined to.” Buffy hesitated for a moment before squeezing his hand slightly. “But I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be.” Spike assured her with a soft smile and kissed her gently, his lips playing affectionately against hers.

Buffy smiled against his mouth as she kissed him back, playfully nipping at his lower lip with her teeth and wrapping her arms around his neck.

As the office doors swung open, they broke apart and turned they heads to look at the intruder.

Angel walked into his office, his head bent as he scan-read the papers he held in front of him with a pensive look etched on his face.

“Spike…something’s come up. Word on the street is that…” Angel trailed off as he looked up to see Buffy curled up on Spike’s lap, her arms locked around his neck as she leaned into him. What hurt him most was the coy expression they were both wearing, as though he couldn’t smell the vampire all over her.

“Having a private moment here, mate, be a good boy and toddle off.” Spike grinned and watched his grandsire frown.

“This is my office, Spike, and right now, it’s Buffy who’ll be leaving.” Angel replied through gritted teeth.

Buffy looked incredulous for a moment and then frowned at the same time as Spike growled and held onto her tightly.

“She’s not going anywhere. She’s staying right here. You got something to say, you can say it to both of us.” Spike frowned and let his eyes narrow into deadly blue slits as they met Angel’s.

“Fine…Spike, we have a problem. There are vampires coming into town tonight, they’re accompanying some envoy and we need to get them here safely. I thought we’d be the best men for the job.” Angel kept his face emotionless as he saw Spike’s fingers caressing Buffy’s waist.

“Escort job, no fighting?”

“Not unless we run into trouble. They’ve already lost twenty guards trying to get her here.”

“Count me in. Still got a few hours though, right?” He nuzzled Buffy’s shoulder playfully and grinned as he saw a flicker of pain in Angel’s eyes.

“Spike!” Buffy shot up off his lap and looked down at him, her expression letting him know just how angry she was in case he couldn’t already feel it. “You…Andrew said you were working by yourself…you don’t work for this…company…” She said it with disgust as she looked from Spike to Angel.

“No, love. Just lending a hand is all, doing the hero thing.” Spike caught her around the wrist and tried to pull her back down to him.

She yanked herself free and continued to frown for a few seconds before letting her expression turn calm.

“Promise me, Spike, that after tonight you don’t do a thing for this, this hell on earth, this evil incorporated.”

As he met her eyes and nodded, she could see his emotions in them, could read just how sorry he was for doing something she didn’t approve of and how much he loved her. Buffy reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, loosening it up and making it a little wild. It reminded her of the times they had spent together, the long nights of madness as they clung to each other, neither one willing to give up the passion they were feeling and both knowing how wrong it was.

Sitting down on the arm of the chair, Buffy dipped her head and kissed his forehead.

Spike frowned up at her; almost able to feel the sudden edge of sadness she had gained. He cupped her cheek and blinked at her, trying to coax her into telling him what was wrong, what was playing on her mind.

“We were so bad to each other.” Buffy sighed out and played with his hair, completely forgetting that they had company.

“I know, love. We’ve been good since then though, don’t let it weigh you down. We’ll be better this time, we’ll erase those times and make new ones…okay?” Spike placed his fingers under her chin and raised her eyes up to meet his. “Okay?”

“Okay.” She half smiled and slid into his lap again, curling up and resting her head in the nook of his neck as his attention turned back to Angel.

“You heard the lady. This is the last thing I do for this company. She’s right, Angel. I fought for my soul and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I didn’t do all that so I could sit here and help you head up the one company that will probably succeed in destroying the world, or at least millions of lives. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve played the hero and I know that isn’t what this is. This is evil, there’s no good in this place and no matter how hard you try, there never will be.”

Angel did his best to cover up how stunned he was over their joint opinion of Wolfram and Hart. Neither of them knew the reason why he was here, and he hadn’t expected everyone to understand him and his belief that he could do good here, but to have it come from Buffy first and then Spike shook the foundation of his belief. He’d spent so many long nights wondering what he was trying to achieve and the voice at the back of his head had told him so many times that nothing good would come of this move, and now two of the people who knew him best were telling him the same thing.

He felt sure nothing bad would happen while he was in control of Wolfram and Hart.

He could do good here, with these resources and the financial backing it gave him.

He could do good.

Nothing bad would happen.

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