Violins And Heartstrings - Chapter 18

When Buffy walked back in, she was carrying a good-sized photo album under her arm, Spike was settled on the couch again and watched her closely as she curled up next to him.

"Can't travel without it." Buffy placed the album on his lap and he stared at it.

"Why didn't she come to New York? It's quiet here, nothing would have happened to her."

"I know. It wasn't the only deciding factor. She has a ballet exam tomorrow, insisted she couldn't miss it. She's stubborn sometimes."

"Just like her mother." Spike smiled and noticed that the weird feeling he'd been having over talking about their daughter had dissipated, he'd accepted her existence in his world and now all he wanted to do was find out all about her.

"Besides." Buffy said as she opened the cover of the photo album. "Can never leave her for long, I'm back in Paris on Tuesday for a few days."

He stared at the first page of the album blankly, Buffy was leaving again in a few days and it caused something in him to ache and desire to be with her every second of the time she had left in New York. As he looked at her, he realised something and he grimaced.

"I have to go to LA on Wednesday to start shooting the studio work, don't suppose you're coming back this time?"

Buffy felt his words keenly and slipped her fingers into his. "Not done recording, just taking a break from Tuesday to Sunday to see my little girl. I'll be back Spike, I'll bring her to LA if you want to meet her."

Spike locked his fingers tightly with hers and forced a smile, he couldn't stop fearing that she wasn't going to come back. Looking down at the first page of the album, he let a genuine smile play on his lips.

"You said the whole of her life." Buffy rested her head against his arm, Spike let go of her hand and slipped his arm around her shoulders, letting her snuggle up close to him.

He sighed down at the album; the whole of the first page was covered in scan pictures of his daughter at various stages of development.

"That's really her?" He rested his cheek against the top of Buffy's head as she moved her head to rest against his chest.

"Yes. It's kinda nice sharing these with someone, with her potential father."

Spike closed his eyes as she said the words 'potential father', he already knew what he was going to do and learning more about Willow was only going to compound his feelings.

"It's in French. When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"Not until I'd been in Paris a few weeks. I called my mom straight away because I didn't know what to do. She told me you'd left. I didn't know whether to keep her…" Buffy trailed off into a whisper.

Biting back his words, Spike realised he couldn't judge her on her past thoughts, he couldn't ask her why she'd thought about not keeping the baby because she'd obviously decided to in the end. He settled for keeping is answer short.

"Must've been hard."

"You are so not thinking that." Buffy replied quietly.

"I was. Amongst other things." Spike looked at the scans, his daughter growing in each one until he could clearly see her little hands and feet, her little fingers curled up as she sucked her thumb.

"I was young, Spike, and scared, alone in Paris and unable to locate you, of course I thought about not keeping her, but I couldn't do it. I loved you too much and felt too attached to our baby."

Spike squeezed her shoulders firmly as he pressed a kiss to her hair, he could feel her trembling slightly in his arms and he sighed. Buffy turned the page and stared at a picture of herself that Anya had taken for her, she was sitting in a large wicker chair in the garden and had one hand resting on the top of her large round stomach. In the next picture she was smiling at the camera, her body side on and her bump clearly pronounced as she leant backwards slightly.

Spike stared down at the pictures of Buffy, she looked so happy and glowing as she played with her stomach in the pictures and he felt a slight pang of jealousy over the fact that someone else had got to be there with her while she was going through her pregnancy. Buffy noticed his eyes narrowing and smiled up at him warmly as she played with his fingers.

"Anya took them, she's a good friend of mine back in Paris, we went to the Conservatory together. You'd like her."

"Sorry love, just a little…stupid being jealous, huh?"

"Not stupid, really sweet. I wish you'd been there too, wished it was you that had taken the pictures of me and come with me for the scans and the birth."

"I would have dropped everything to be with you." Spike leant back slightly and searched her eyes--they were twinkling at him.

"I know. Maybe it was better this way around, it helped make me a stronger person and now we both have our careers off the ground, if you'd come to Paris you never would have lived your dream."

"Just would've lived a different dream that's all, no use pondering what might have been though--better to just accept what happened and make the most of it."

Buffy frowned at his insightful words, he suddenly reminded her of William all those years ago. They'd spent so many lazy evenings together after graduation just talking in her back yard about things like that, chasing your dreams and making the most of what life gives you.

"Were you scared?" Spike flipped over to the next page and stared at a picture of her holding a baby, his baby.

"Terrified." Buffy replied and looked at the picture, she couldn't help knowing what he was thinking as he looked at it--another thing that he never got to do. "She's still very much into being picked up, piggy backs, being spun around and falling asleep on me when I'm carrying her. I think she'd like to be picked up a lot more but she's getting a little heavy for me now."

Spike knew what she was saying, Willow would like to be held by him, spun around by him and he'd love to let her fall asleep as he carried her. He pictured the little blonde girl held tight in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder as she slumbered. Spike sighed and Buffy smiled as she turned to the next page.

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