Violins And Heartstrings - Chapter 19

Having shown him all the pictures and finished off a bottle of wine, Buffy and Spike snuggled up on the couch together and he listened as she talked about Willow.

"Was it weird?" Spike sipped his glass of wine. "I mean, feeling something moving around inside you. Got to be weird."

"You're telling me. She used to wriggle all the time, there was one thing that calmed her down though."

"What's that?" Spike let his fingers run through her hair.

"She used to calm down when I played, whether it was at the Conservatory or just practicing, she'd be wriggling like mad and then as soon as the first notes were played she'd be still."

"Got her daddy's appreciation of her mummy's music then."

Buffy smiled at him, his reference to being Willows 'daddy' made her warm and calm inside--it was like he was saying he wanted to be there for Willow.

"She has. Her favourite is Vivaldi."

Spike smiled at that. "What else does she like or dislike?"

Buffy took a mouthful of wine and curled up a little closer to Spike, he was leaning with his side against the back of the couch as he watched her. Buffy hugged her knees.

"Let's see. She loves chocolate ice cream, ballet and chasing the faeries that she says live down the bottom of our garden in Paris. She's named them after 'A Mid-Summers Night Dream'."

"She knows Shakespeare?"

"You'll think I'm silly…" Buffy pouted at him slightly and tried to ignore the warm feeling in her stomach that his wide smile gave her.

"Tell me." Spike reached over and touched her cheek lightly.

"I used to read it to her, when she was…" Buffy pressed her hand to her stomach. "Since then I read it to her at night, I tried to read kids books to her but she asks for Shakespeare."

Spike grinned wide on hearing that his daughter liked Shakespeare. "That why you know Venus and Adonis?"

"Yeah. She doesn't understand it all really. The teachers at the school she just started attending are impressed with her though."

"School…is it French?" Spike wondered if Willow sounded French.

"No. English and costing a lot of money. She looks cute in her uniform although she says she hates it."

"So a dislike--uniforms. Little restrictive, have to agree with her on that one. Does she have a French accent?"

"Not really. She spends most of the time with me and Anya, two very American girls."

"Good. Never did like the French accent. Other dislikes?"

Buffy paused for a moment to think, Willow's likes far outweighed her dislikes. "Not much really. She doesn't like heights but loves flying, she says she wants wings."

"Like the faeries?" Spike raised his brows at Buffy and watched her smile warmly.

"Yeah. She really wants to be a ballet dancer and study in Paris, I would say she's very good at it but I think I'm a little biased. Oh, she doesn't like loud music."

"Bugger." Spike grinned.

"She loves the rain, likes to go walking in it with me. Prefers autumn to summer because the leaves fall and she can play in them."

"Girl has taste. My favourite season." He let his fingers stroke her arm gently.

"Another thing that has to have come from your side of the gene pool--she loves staring at the stars as opposed to laying in the sun."

"Definitely me, love."

"I spent weeks learning the constellations so I could show them to her."

Spike looked at her, watching her face softening into a smile as she looked back at him. He realised that she loved Willow with all her heart and he couldn't help wondering is she loved him that much too. She yawned wide and it caused him to yawn too.

"Wow. Getting late, or I should say early." Buffy looked at the clock above the mantelpiece as it chimed out two am.

"Bed time missy. Sleep is good, will make you relaxed."

"I am relaxed." Buffy smiled lazily at him. "Talking to you, being with you…it's relaxing."

Spike felt his stomach heat up as he caught her eye; her look was soft and tender, her eyes showing him so much of her emotions. He stood up and pulled her up off the couch.

"Bed. Now." Spike patted her backside and she started towards the stairs, taking a deep breath, he followed her.


Stopping outside her door, Spike dipped his head and kissed her gently on the lips, when Buffy responded by kissing him back he felt his heart leap into his throat.

"Stay." Buffy whispered against his mouth and all he could do was nod at her.

Standing in her room, Spike watched her as she stripped down to her underwear, her movements slow and seemingly sensual. Last night he'd slept next to her after chasing away her nightmare, tonight was different, he was going to fall asleep holding her from the start and not come in halfway through. The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile as she revealed her plain white underwear and then slipped into a white satin nightie.

Buffy turned to see him watching her, his eyes following her every move as she slipped into bed. She patted the space next to her and smiled warmly up at him.

"You going to stand there all night?"

Spike shook his head and bought himself out of his reverie, pulling his clothes off he slid under the covers next to her and sighed when she snuggled up to him and rested her head on his chest.

He stared down at her as his fingers ran through her hair, her silky strands felt soft under his touch. Spike held her a little tighter and she nuzzled his chest as her hand rested on his stomach.

"Buffy?" He swallowed the nerves that were dancing in his throat and closed his eyes.

"Hmm Spike?" Buffy smiled dreamily, revelling in the feeling of being so close to him.

"I know you said I had all the time in the world but I've come to the decision that I can't have something so beautiful as Willow and not be a part of her life, not see her grow up and share in her triumphs or comfort her in whatever small failures befall her. If it means I get to be with you too, then I'm the happiest bloke on earth. I love you Buffy, so much that it hurts not to be with you. Whenever I'm away from you, I think about you constantly, you and our daughter. If you'll let me, I'd like to be her father."

Buffy rolled onto her stomach and searched his eyes deeply, he was smiling nervously at her and she felt her stomach flip as elation swam through her. She reached out and cupped his cheek as she kissed him softly.

"I love you so much." She couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her face. Spike sighed into her eyes before kissing away her tears.

He rained kisses down on her cheeks and eyes before moving his mouth to hers and kissing her tenderly, letting his lips play against hers and feeling a warmth in his stomach like a volcano. Buffy held him tightly and felt his arms wrap around her, holding her flush against him so there wasn't a molecule of air between them. Spike released her lips and rested his forehead against hers.

"Love you." He breathed softly and she felt the words in her mouth.

"Love you back." She smiled and kissed him briefly before pulling back and looking into his eyes. "When?"

"When what?" He looked puzzled.

"Did you decide?"

"When I saw the kids in the park, no…before that, last night when you were sleeping in my arms…I realised how much I loved you, how I wanted to be there for you and Willow. Everything you told me today just compounded those feelings, I've loved you all these years and I didn't think I could love you anymore than I did, but I was wrong…when I realised it was you at the TV show it was like the last six years were just a faint memory of love because it hit me so bloody hard that night--I can't live without you Buffy, you're everything to me." He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb and sighed at her.

"I don't know what I would have done if you'd…I love you and I feel the same way you do, I can't live without you…life isn't complete when you aren't by my side."

Spike kissed her forehead and held her head to his chest. "I'm here now--not going anywhere. Get some sleep, love."

Buffy closed her eyes, the fear and nervousness of the past few days seemed to drift away as she settled into his arms. They were together now and it was all that mattered. As she sighed out her breath, she felt like she was releasing every bad thought and feeling that she'd been battling against and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

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